A BV Influencette: Andy Williams

What's an "influencette"?  It's a word that my dear friend, Merriam, or that always wacky sidekick, Webster, need to add to their book.

Let's work this through. By definition:

• Influence is the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself.
• The suffix -ette denotes a relatively small size, as in kitchenette or cigarette.

Ergo, an influencette is something that had an effect on someone's character, development, or behavior in a relatively small way. But it is something or someone worth noting, because there was a positive effect, nonetheless.

###

The other day, I heard the Singer/Entertainer Andy Williams, 83, was diagnosed with bladder cancer.  He has also said that he's going to kick it and return to performing.  That's the spirit, and of course I hope he does.

Why I consider Andy at least a small influence is that his TV show and Christmas specials are the epitome of what entertainment looked like in the mid to late 1960s. Family oriented, designed to take advantage of the "living color" of color TV, and polished,  Andy's shows said "professional entertainer" from the second they started until they said, "Good night, everybody."


Andy was on the Tonight Show one night in the late 1970s, and he was wearing a pair of baby blue shoes.  He explained that when he had his show in the 1960s, it was right when shows were first being broadcast in color. To take advantage of this amazing technology, his wardrobe for the show in a huge variety of colors, a different every week and often every segment within a show.  And, there was always matching shoes.


The baby blue shoes? He said he has a closet that has a pair of shoes in virtually every color, and they were only worn once. "I figured I should get some wear them," he said.


That story is such an oral time capsule.


(Yes, children. TV was not only "broadcast," but it was in black and white. This is a subject for a separate post.)


But even more... it has to do with brothers. Brothers not unlike my two brothers and I. Except the brothers in the Williams world were amazingly talented performers.

Not to say to my brothers, Tom and Bob, that I'm disappointed in them. I think we all inherited a bit of a tin ear.  So it never was to be.


But there was the Williams Brothers: Andy's clan. They'd appear together on the big holiday specials. They were the veteran professionals. And they were brothers that got together at the holidays.


And there was another set of brothers... The Osmonds.


Yes, them. And they seemed so... real. 


Wow. Did I just admit I believed the act hook, line and sinker? I mean, of course they really were brothers. But they made it seem possible that brothers hung around and sang.


And, of course, I was the youngest Bushman brother and the Osmond's youngest was...


Oh, my.  This is therapeutic.  Admitting that I identified with Donny Osmond. Right up to when he started hanging out with Marie.  I didn't have a sister.


That continued until I was about 30. Then I went back to Andy.


The clip below says it all. Watch it all or skip ahead to the 4 minute mark. Check out the Williams Brothers outfits. The wholesome comedy. The marvelous singing. 


That was and still is entertainment.


Deep down inside, I still want to have this happen at my house this year.


It's why George (my puppet) and I are working on our Christmas Special. If not this year, then next. He and I will sing for you!


The influence of Andy Williams? He is a bit why I say I want to be an entertainer... because I want to entertain. 


... Like Andy.


Watch the clip and enjoy the show. Consider this as Budding Ventriloquist Kicks Off the Christmas Season.


Ho, ho, ho.

Technical Difficulties

Thank you for tuning in to The Vent Channel. We are experiencing technical difficulties.

***

Wait, are there really technical difficulties, or is this part of the strange occurrences on that new NBC show, The Event?

***

Does the President know about this? Should he know? Does he have a right to know?

Does the President realize that Congress is actually a bunch of dummies?

***

You are experiencing the hot promo teaser for The Vent Channel's blockbuster new program...

The e-Vent

***

Or are you?

Fall is in the err

What's in the rich stew pot of The Vent Channel's all new fantastic fall season?

Maybe a better question is... What isn't!  When you've had your share of home improvement shows and crazed chef cooking shows, check out these new entries into the wonderful world of Television as only The Vent Channel does it:

• Budding Outlaw -  Jimmy Smits stars as a former Supreme Court justice who resigned his seat on the bench to fight for justice while trying to hide and escape his dark ventriloquism past.
• America's Got Idol: Three ventriloquists and their dummies act as judges. In the first round, contestants must get 4 our more votes from the six to move on.
• Parts of Evidence:  Dana Delany stars as a former ventriloquist turned Medical Examiner who solves crimes using the mechanical parts of ventriloquist dummies as crime solving tools.
• Hawaii Ten-O -  You guessed it, Steve McGarrett, Dano, Chin Ho and the team are back, and they're busting the bad guys with chatty little friends that have springs and wires in their head. Double the team, double the crime-stopping force.
• Law and Order: BVU (Budding Ventriloquist Unit) -  In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by three separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime, the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and ventriloquists. These are their stories.
• The Vampire LeVent - The Vent Channel's obligatory vampire show, done as musical comedy with lots of kissing. Episodes are in black and white, with a hint of olive green. Can a vampire dummy be killed with a wooden stake?  Tune in and find out.
• Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus - Dan Bushman and George Budding talk football and smack thought the NFL season, picking the winners 100 percent of the time. Sort of. Almost.

The last show on the list (BVPGG) can be viewed online 24/7. Watch the premiere episode and get great insider information from and about Dan and George at GridironGurus.Com. (Actually, you'll be able to get to the links of all the shows, but I'm still making up "great insider information."  Trust me -  It'll be there.)

***

In conjunction with the honor of announcing the new Law and Order spin-off, Budding Ventriloquist is thrilled to announce that actor Sam Waterston is being added to the "face that belongs on a ventriloquist dummy" list.  The salt and pepper hair, the black eyebrows, the furrowed brow, and the great smile are what the V Face List is all about.

Congratulations, Sam.  I heard your show was pretty good, too. Too bad it was cancelled before it really got rolling. Wish I could have remembered when it was on. Maybe I'll get the DVDs through Netflix - it's the least I can do.

No small effort here

Wow! Zonk! Pow! Total inspiration!

And it just makes so much sense.

As director of programming for the new cable network The Vent Channel, it's my obligation to reach out a the huge audience and make it even huger. And back in my journalism days, we used to have a saying:

"Good editors borrow, great editors steal."

So when I see a commercial for The Animal Planet show Pit Boss, which chronicles the rescuing, rehabbing, and training of pit bulls by dwarfs, it's so obvious.  The Vent Channel needs it's own show about ventriloquist animal rescuers.

Here's some directions the show could go:

• 
  
  The Vent Whisperer-er: Ventriloquists do whispering through their dummies to calm feral cats.
• 
  
  Wild Ventdom: Ventriloquists and their dummies risk their wooden selves in the wild rescuing beavers from wetlands endangered by development.
• 
  
  Puppet Bowl: Ventriloquists that use animal puppets face off in daring contests that involve stuff like trapezes and trampolines to raise money for local humane societies.

And I'm just starting to perfect this idea. Stay tuned.

Yours in broadcasting,

Dan Bushman

Director of Programming

The Vent Channel

***

To Conan O'Brien:

My network's offer for you to be our anchor program still stands. And how about... only 45 minutes 4 nights a week? That's provided your "Ed McMahon" is a ventriloquist, of course.

You do give and take, don't you? Let's do lunch.

***

Please know, I say God bless the Pit Boss peeps and their mission. I hope their show generates great revenues that go to animal rescue efforts. Though I'm not a pit bull fan, I'm an animal softy. Having rescued and rehabbed animals and living in a houseful of pets, I think that there are no bad dogs, only bad training and some times... bad people. Yes, I will always hate Michael Vick.

Here's the commercial for their show.  I'm sure when The Vent Channel is up and running and our version of animal rescue is being beamed into homes worldwide, they'll run a commerical on their sight for it to return the favor.

***

To my ventriloquist peeps at the Vent Haven ConVENTion:

Hope you had a great time. It sure looked like fun from the live feeds and facebook posts I saw, and I hope one of these years sooner rather than later, I'm digging the scene with ya'll in person.

Chil-laxin'?

What’s most important to the whole Budding Ventriloquist movement (I know, you’re letting it sink in - this is a “movement”?) is that it be now, that it be what’s happening, that it be… today.

So as I carefully consider and reconsider the programming for the Vent Channel before I hit up venture capitalists big time, I do have to consider what is trendy.

I wouldn't call myself trendy. Believe this or not, my tastes do tend towards the nerdy, esoteric, and sometimes exotic, though there's I enjoy the more common, too. Like mango and mint; exotic and common, but both flavors add to pleasure to my life.

So as I lay out the program profile for the money men (or women), I can see their eyes light up as I explain the Vent Channel’s reality show:

Chil-laxin’ with Dummy People *,**

The concept is simple;

• Brings much of ventriloquists to a mansion where they are forced to live together for months, doing everything together.
• One of the ventriloquists is not actually a ventriloquist, but a spy. His (or her) dummy is voiced my hidden microphone and speaks with the voice of a famous actor. (I wanted John Forsythe, the voice of Charlie on Charlie’s Angels, but he’s dead.)
• The ventriloquists don't have to be professionals. At least one should sound like Ozzie Osborne.
• Each week, one of the ventriloquists is forced out of the mansion by call in or text vote;
• Finally, they will go on a round-the-world race, where they are not allowed to leave nay country unless they perform ventriloquism for at least one police official.

The tough sell is that there isn't a whole lot of footage out there of ventriloquists "hanging out."  I am imspired by this segment from a Conan O'Brien show (see below about Mr. O'Brien) on the VentriloChoir as they headed to their appearance on Hungarian television. Watch this. These guys are party animals.

***

* Chil-Laxin' is a combination of "chilling out" and "relaxing". My teenage kids refuse to talk to me about "hip lingo", so I am only hoping this term is no more than 10 years old.
**  Yea, I know. The title needs work. Not the chil-laxin' part; the "dummy" thing is what always comes out so demeaning.

***

Dear Conan O'Brien:

I put you on the V Face List. (January 13, 2010)

I offered you your own show. (March 13, 2010).

I even offered you a four-day work week just like TBS did. In fact, I offered that first. I'm about ready to call out Ted Turner or his flunkies (henchmen?) about stealing my "only four nights" idea.  I posted my offer to you it long before they pitched it. I know it. You know it. They know it.

Yea, I know. I don't have their kind of money. But I would have treated you like an artist.

Sincerely,


Dan Bushman
Programming Director
The Vent Channel

Here come old flat top

For years and years, I played guitar, sang pop songs, and complained about the Beatles.

Damn tenors. So many songs were just out of my range.  The greatest songwriting colaboration of all time, and I couldn't do 90 percent of their catalog.

So imagine my surprise when I found out I am one.

Not a Beatle. I'm a tenor.

Let me explain.

For months I've sat and listened as my daughter sang at voice lessons.  It's been fascinating to hear a good voice teacher like Nancy pick at, suggest, and otherwise coach improvements into someone's singing. So with my daughter out of town and the lesson already paid for, I thought it would be fun to take her place for one lesson.

Nancy started by doing warm up scales which also test my range. "I'm a baritone," I said, going though the paces.

"No, Dan," she said.  "You're a tenor."

She showed me how I'm strong in the tenor range, weaker as I go lower. Chest voice range starts here, turns into head voice there. And to top it off, after running though a baritone rendition of "Younger than Springtime" from South Pacific, she found a tenor version, complete with a big finish on high G.

I nailed it.

Yikes.  I'm approaching 50 years old. I've been a baritone all my life. I was as sure of that as I am sure I am the son of Mary and Woody Bushman.

Oh, my. I have my birth certificate. You can't fake one of those, can you? Can you?

I guess the bright side is that at least now it is finally possible for me to be the fifth Beatle. That's something.

***

Yes, I admit it. Back in High school, we made fun of guys who were tenors. Even the choir director used to say, "Now, the lower voices. Tenors... and men..."

I'm sorry. It was mean. And come to think of it, you guys got all the chicks.

***

There seems to be a general rule in ventriloquism that people will always enjoy a singing ventriloquist dummy, and I believe it. Terry Fator is exceptional at it, just like a great soloist sets himself apart.

But for every Terry Fator-quality ventriloquist, there are so many lesser, though no less proud, talents. So what if a bunch of them formed - just like lesser, yet proud singers do - a choir...

And sang a Beatles song...

On Hungarian television...

Your 24/7 source?

At the top of the hour:

A potential mid-term election issue: Proccupied with healthcare reform and jobs bills, President Obama puts Ventriloquist In Space Program (VISP) on the back burner.

Focus on Fashion: Ventriloquist in Space logo - the now and happening tramp stamp, or 70s throwback?

Solvenian Quagmire, Day 25:  Same quag, different day

Movies: Feature film aVENTar snubbed by Academy snobs. (See plot and ad)

Vent Channel to Conan:  It's been a week, make up your mind.
Hugh Laurie: House MD has an "American accent", or is it ventriloquism?

Budding Ventiloquist Olympics Coverage: Best Olympic coverage by any ventriloquism website.

Max LeMonk Special Commentary: No Logo Thursday's identity crisis.

And Conan?

Using the same programming model as the History Channel and History International Channel, where the shows hold so tightly to the channel's namesake concept (history), I'm thrilled to announce the initial mix for my new cable TV concept, The VENT Channel:

• Unidentified flying objects

• Masons
• Unidentified flying ventriloquists
• Alien cover-up conspiracies
• Modern engineering feats
• Famous ventriloquists
• Giant engineering marvels
• Alien ventriloquists
• The Bermuda Triangle
• Modern dummy feets
• Ventriloquist cover-up conspiracies
• Ice road truckers
• Mason ventriloquists
• Mysterious ventriloquist disappearances
• Roswell, NM
• Ice trucker ventriloquists

I'm just starting to secure the rights to the programs.

***

I might have to rethink some of this.  My list seems to be a little heavy with ventriloquism-oriented shows.  What would happen if the History Channel ran nothing but history shows?

And, the list feels a little light on shows about the masons. Light, too, on 2012 - the year, not the movie, with or without my alternative ending. 

***

Dear Conan O'Brien:

I'm serious. You can have one hour a night, only have to do 4 nights a week, and 100 percent creative control to be the Vent Channel's marquee program. And you can bring that Andy guy, too.

Who put you on the V-Face list when you needed a reason to smile, huh? Come on, you barbarian! You know ya wanna!

Sincerely,

Dan Bushman

Director of Programming, The Vent Channel

Budding Ventriloquist
Thinker

Too obvious

With apologies:

• For running this picture two days in a row,
• To a couple cast members who are only "totally guilty" by association, and
• For noticing this amazing phenomenon only by happenstance...

... Could it actually be that virtually the entire cast of Glee - face after face - ALL belong on the "great face for a ventriloquist dummy" list?

Just look at them one at a time. Then think about it.

Amazing, huh?  Did I just hear a universal "true dat"?

***

To the wonderful cast of Glee:

Lots of actors get Emmys. You've just achieved something that's much more special.

***

Bet the casting director knew exactly what he was doing?  I'm in for a fiver that there's a dummy in his/her closet.

Imagine my Glee

Having rapped up a very successful premier season launch, Fox's singfest - Glee - was pretty engaging to us folk who enjoy dancin', and swingin', and movin' to the groovin'.

You also need  to find enjoyment in (or at least tolerance for) the drama-filled lives of high schoolers. According to my daughter, the show's trials and tributations are topically pretty realistic - a thought which should frighten a rational parent. To think my daughter finds ventriloquist dummies frightening but this show ... okay?

The show really does deserve applause for its approach to diversity. There's whites and blacks, hispanics, jews and gentiles, gays and straights, even a disabled kid in a featured role on a show about dancing and singing. Jocks, preppies (do they say that anymore?), cheerleaders, nerds, geeks, bullies, and all other groups are there, and there's reasonable dialog about all this. The differences are not ignored or resolved, but are simply present and (kind'a) real. Not bad for a show basically about kids doing pop music covers.

Oh yea, the tunes are pretty much fun, too.

After nine or ten inaugural episodes, the show has gone into hiatus for four months.

******SPOILER ALERT******

When the show returns in April, the club struggles to broaden their diversity when a ventriloquist wants to join.  Faculty advisor Will Schuester searches the rule book to find out whether the ventriloquist would count as one or two voices.  Quinn thinks the dummy might actually be the father of her child, not Puck.  Kurt is worried that the dummy is making a move on Finn. Rachel has a panic attack when the dummy sings better than her. Artie accidentially gets the dummy's arms stuck in a wheel of his chair, tearing one off.  Mercedes keeps trying to explain to the rest where the dummy's voice is actually coming from. Sue Sylvester continues to be a bitch.

All Gaga? Na.

I just saw a face, I couldn't forget the time or place.  It was on youtube.com, and it was a great, fun, wild video by Lady Gaga. It was just the cat's pajamas.*

I even started writing a song:

"I thought to myself, that face...

Could it be, should it be that face

The world be waiting for that face

To belong on a ventriloquist dummy?"**

I was so convinced. A shoe-in. A "well, duh!" All it would take was to look for some photos on The Google to confirm it.

But, alas, she didn't cut the mustard.* She's an outstanding, creative performer, but the " V face list" isn't about that. It's about remarkably interesting face shapes and features.

It might be I was reaching to be hip.*  Putting someone on the list that was current might make me a little current. That, however, is in direct contrast with my nature.  I wasn't current when I was current. I grew up on Ed Sullivan, and remember when The Johnny Carson Show was broadcast from New York.

Ahh, nostalgia. The great old acts of the great old days. So I give you possibly my all time favorite face from the past:

Comedian Moms Mabley.

Sorry, Joe Torre (The inaugural perfect "V face"), you got company at the top of the list now.

***

To understand that this pick is really pretty inspired, check out Moms on The Flip Wilson Show. I need to find better clips of her in her heyday. There was a time when comedy wasn't poop just jokes and vulgarities. She was from then, and was funnier for it.

***

*  Phrases/terms/words that tell you I'm too old to pretend to be new.  Saying "hip" is not hip.
** I made up a sweet melody to go along with the lyrics. It will cost you a beer to hear it, though.

SWATing at an idea

Having intereacted and bonded with the county's SWAT team (true story, too long to explain), I got a different idea about the crime fighting ventriloquist TV show. Ventriloquist and dummy are members of a SWAT team:

"Taking out the bad guys or just keeping the neighborhood quiet, two heads are better than one."

I first considered calling it  The V Team (DATED ALARM! DATED ALARM!), but if you want whasss hip now, single word titles, like House, Bones, etc., bring you to:

Ventt

The partner, Zabo (he goes by just that - Is it his first name or last name?), has a mohawk haircut, talks with a thick eastern European accent, and says stuff like, "Think du should vatch out the vindow for zome mooovement?"

And hey, I can vent that!

More Dumpster diving

After going to a late matinee* of the movie Clear Lake, WI  ** with friends, we headed to a tavern to discuss the movie, scary movies in general, laugh, eat, beer up ***, etc.

Towards the end of the get together I mentioned ventriloquism, and told my gang about the Dumpster, DPV  TV show idea from a few days ago. I was actually surprised at their enthusiasm and suggestions, like:

• Maybe the ventriloquist detective really can't communicate without his dummy.
• The dummy definitely plays the genius.
• The whole split personality versus supernatural/paranormal is left ambiguous, a dangling piece of suspense.
• Maybe the show is just called Dummy, again ambiguous about whether that refers to the dumb detective or the dummy or both.

This wasn't the first time this gang happily chimed in on my ventriloquist chatter. That last time, the big question was, "What if you get a ventrilquist dummy and it doesn't like you?"

It was also a secret delight to watch my wife bury her face in her hands with a bit of, "OMG, will you stop encouraging him?" She was laughing, too.

-----------
* Late matinee = the latest show still allowing me to save a few bucks on the tickets, yet seem like I actually went out in the evening, too.
** Clear Lake, WI  = a B movie psycho thriller. It's only attraction was that the actual town of Clear Lake, WI is only about 30 miles away, and the movie as at least partially shot there.
*** Beer up = a phrase I believe I just invented. I like it.

TV series idea

Take the current TV trends:

• Bones, House MD, and Numb3rs are all about hyper-intelligent but, in some way, socially edgy people;
• Those shows also have titles (and some central character names) that are "everyday" words;
• The Mentalist,  Medium, and Ghost Whisperer are supernatural something-or-others;
• Cop/crime shows remain a staple; and
• Shows with initials (NCIS, CSI, MD, JAG) were and still are big.

Mix it all together with a classic entertainment illusion and you get a genius crime fighting ventriloquist with a psychic dummy as a partner. Or maybe it's a genius psychic dummy.  This is still in the concept stage, so that's a minor detail.

And I'd call it:

Dumpster, DPV

 DPV stands for Doctor of Paranormal Ventriloquism.

It's a working title.