In our midst

And just what is a European Union flag doing in the flag tracker?

The description given by the Flag Counter Software (the official flag counting software of the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage(TM) ) is "Unknown - European Union."

There's only one answer - Budding Ventriloquist has explosed a spy.

Exploring who this spy might be also explosed something so obvious - That the young James Bond version of Sean Connery belongs on the "Face Belongs on a Ventriloquist Dummy" list. It was comparing Sean's young persona to BVWOC(TM)'S own Steed Hideaway that got me feeling "stirred, not shaken."

Please! I know! Everytime I put someone on the V  Face List that is "good looking", message boards fill up, Twitter needs to shut down from the overload, and a new "Anti BV" blog pops up somewhere. If that Entertainment Tonight film crew shows up at my house again, I am going to scream.

But here's a whole'nuther thing. As Sean Connery got older, he got grey, he got bald, and he grew various amounts of facial hair.  So in his second incarnation, a very different look served him well.

And you might say he resembles a budding ventriloquist. Maybe?

***

Steed Hideaway to replace Daniel Craig as the next James Bond?

Oh, oh. I guess I wouldn't make much of a secret agent, would I?

Shhhhh.

***

And now the Netherlands joins the BVWOC(TM) hootenany?  I have to get researching.  All I know about the Dutch entertainment scene is that I'm sure they consider ventriloquism legal, too.

Czeching out my blog

Vítejte, můj české přátele, Rašení hlasu-zimní olympijské zpravodajství!

Welcome, my Czech friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage(TM).

The Czech Republic looks to field a team in everything at the Winter Games in Vancouver, with the exception of curling (huh? No stones?), women's hockey (**Boy talk warning** No Czech women in hockey uniforms? Sounds sounds like a missed oppportunity for hot!), and skeleton.

Skeleton?  Think sliding face down on a flat sled about the size of an unfolded newspaper at a half brazillion miles an hour.

The Czech ventriloquism world is invisible to the English websurfing world, and perhaps small from many years of Soviet thumbdowning,  but there is a Czech painting on a site called House of Deception. The painting Ventriloquist is by Czech modern artist Frantisek Tichy (1896-1961) and resides in the West Bohemian Gallery in Pilsen, Czech Republic. Wish I could show you, its quite stirring. Follow the link, and check it out down the web page a bit.

***

Egypt joined the BVWOC(TM) fun a week or show ago. And what special place in Winter Olympic history they hold. At the 1984 Winter Olympics in Sarajevo, Egyptian Alpine Skier Jamil Omar Hatem Abdulalem Jamil El Reedy not only prepared for the games by spending 40 days in a cave, but had the longest name of all the participants, too.

And, like everything in Egyptian history, ventriloquism goes back to thousands of years BC. Osiris, the judge of the dead (Yikes! Is a title or what?), was a high priest who used ventriloquism to deceive the worshippers into believing he had a second voice inside him. Cool, huh?

Just a thought: If freaking out the uneducated populice is how the pyramids got made, picture the mouth of the Sphinx rigidly moving up and down, a booming voice, and a trembling mass of rock draggers at it's feet. An amazing ventriloquism illusion.

Still wondering why they made the Sphinx? I'm not.

***

India's attention to BVWOC(TM) has soared to double digits. Wish I had  billion Buddng Ventriloquist tee shirts.  The whole darn country should get one.

***

Shortly after South Germany joined East Germany, West Germany, and North Germany here, the fifth former German state - EvenFartherSouth Germany - tossed their sixer in the ice chest. Willkommen.

***

Regular Readers (Do I need to get more chairs up from the basement? there are so many of you!):

Thanks for noticing my lack of posts this week.  Had to exhale before the big march to the openning ceremonies.

Team BVWOC™

The Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) is excited to profile our coverage team.

***

Famed sports journalist and Broadcaster Max LeMonk brings his pithy wit and probing reporting to our coverage for the first time. Max’s voice is all too familiar to sports fans who will long remember his “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!” boxing call to his regular calls of “Get up, get up, get out of here… Gone!” for the Milwaukee Brewers.

By joining BVWOC™, Max is taking a break from his tour de force performance on Broadway as the legendary football coach Jim Mora in the one man stage play, “Playoffs? Playoffs?” His autobiographical look at sports, It’s a Jungle Out There, has been in the top 10 of New York Times Fictional Non-Fiction Best Sellers About Sports List for 50 weeks.

Watch for Max both in the studio and out in the field, ever searching for the scoops you come to BVWOC™ to find.

***

Local anchorman at large Steed Hideaway joins BVWOC™, his first venture into the blog news world.

While most of Steed’s media experience comes from studio anchoring, he’s no stranger to print journalism. Steed's been a regular subscriber to Sports Illustrated for over 10 years. “I’m no stranger to the printed word. Now cursive – that’s a little trickier,” says Steed.

Prior to starting his television career, Steed won a national contest to be a centerfold for Playpuppet Magazine. After the closing ceremonies, Steed will be sworn in as the new Republican US Senator from Massachusetts.

Watch for Steed’s special trademark “Hey! let me try that” features throughout the Games.

***

The Executive Producer of BVWOC™ and reporter-at-large is Dan Bushman. Dan actually has a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications from the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee that he earned when cable TV was the new media horizon and newspapers were a career choice.

“Budding Ventriloquist has already out-posted and outlasted 95 percent of all blogs,” Bushman says. “And the international appeal of the coverage we plan is already evident. Just look at the flags pop up and the counts tick higher and higher.”

Dan is, as a matter of fact, a budding ventriloquist. Watch for Dan’s omnipresent presence throughout the coverage.

***

Last night, at the conclusion of the NFC Championship game, I posted an insulting, spiteful comment reflecting my glee that Bart Favre and the Minnesota Vikings lost.

Yep, I certainly did that.

What? You weren't expecting an apology or something, were you? Ha!

********BV BREAKING NEWS*****

Hasta La Vista,

DUMMY!

It takes a schticker, too

As if I actually know anything, sometimes it's best to forget hunting for a joke that's not there.

I kept writing and rewriting about the notion that the Native Americans have no flag of their own to march behind at the Winter Olympics, their "nations" span the Americas, and that kind of coverage you can only find with Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) .

Believe me, the snippets above were the best of the search for the joke that wasn't there. And, I was only going there to throw a call-out to Rey Ortega, my new friend in the ventriloquist world.

Long story about how Rey stumbled across this online gig I have, and where the conversation started. But after I referred to myself as a "Schticker without a Cause", I asked Rey, "Is there a Native American term for 'schtick'?"

Those of you under about 35 and have no idea what "Borscht Belt" entertainment was need some background. The official Merriam-Webster definition for Schtick is:

Etymology: Yiddish shtik pranks, literally, piece, from Middle High German stücke, from Old High German stucki; akin to Old English stycce piece, Old High German stoc stick — more at stock

1 : a usually comic or repetitious performance or routine : bit
2 : one's special trait, interest, or activity : bag <he's alive and well and now doing his shtick out in Hollywood — Robert Daley>

Rey's response was:

"There is a word for schtick.

"It's Heyoka, a trickster, someone teaches people to do the right thing by doing the opposite. These people look for the deeper meanings in life and try to find ways to communicate them to the world. 

"You're a teacher disguised as a comic."

You too, my friend. Or back at ya. Or whatever the kids say these days.

Here's Rey and his buddy JC.  Rey's body "English" (funny choice of words?) is exceptional. It takes the illusion to that blurry level of  being embraced by it and forgetting that it's an illusion. His humor is infectious, too.

***

Rey's online center is The Wisdom Tree. Remember, Rey, with my BVWOC(TM)'s international appeal growing by leaps and bounds, you can't get better free advertising than this!

Well, maybe you can...

***

One of the best aspects of my ventriloquest (I love that word, and believe I made it up all by myself) is making contacts in the ventriloquist network. Now that I've mastered embedding videos, I owe Dave Markham and Steve Hurst some of this "high tech" callout, too.

***

Thanks Merriam. Thanks Webster. You two are the best. Anyone that doesn't have you two bookmarked in their browser and buy a hard copy for your latest book besides is not using the best resource around.

***

Now, the Czech Republic?  Eight from India? Jumpin' Jiminy. It's like the world has been waiting for BVWOC(TM).

***

Does the acronym work for you?  Hope so.

It takes a global village

Dobrodošli, slovenski prijatelji, da Nadobudni trebuha zimskih olimpijskih poročanja.

ترحيب ، أصدقاء المصرية ، إلى الناشيء الصوت الساحر الاولمبية الشتوية التغطية لإخبارية

Welcome, Oh Canadian friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM), eh.

Welcome Slovenia, Egypt, and Canada. With almost a month before the Games begin, I am falling behind. The rate of new countries joining in the fun of BVWOC (TM) is starting to outpace my ability to keep up. I owe my Slovenian, Egyptian, and Canadian followers the same proper coverage as I gave the other countries, with at least as much research as I did on Brigitte Bardot's connection to ventriloquism.

Quality is ever my watchword; I'll take them one at a time over the next week and do it right.

Another overwhelming thing is that my readership in India as not quadrupled, but actually quintupled over the last few days. No wait - Sextupled!

It's like all of a sudden I'm this huge international magnet!

This is so big. Am I going to have to put on staff?

Once you see it, it's hard to miss

One of my regular readers (there may be as many as five now, not counting the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) readers, who I am hoping come back after the games) insisted today that there's a post about Brigitte Bardot, currently a French animal rights activist and a formerly an actress, fashion model and singer.

I explained to him that I am well aware of Ms. Bardot's celebrity, and that BV is PG-13 blogging. I will not do cheesecake.

When I was talking about my ventriloquist version of Avatar (Remember aVENTar?), I ran a picture of Sigourney Weaver.  Did I cheaply go for the picture of her in only underwear from the first Alien? No. Of course not. That would have been, well, cheap.

He persisted. He told me to read up on her in Wikipedia.  While she actually is a radical activist politically, weirdly racist and selectively homophobic, there was no mention of her ever performing ventriloquism.  The closest relevant reference to anything I'd blog about was in her filmography. La femme et le pantin (1959) (The Woman and the Puppet) was one of her films. However, the movie's tagline was:

"In Her Hands Men Were Puppets...Loving Her Was Like Walking Blindfolded Into a Jungle!"

That didn't sound like it was a salute to Edgar Bergen, or even Senor Wences - even allowing for the allusion to "her hands."

Finally, I searched in the Google for pictures. Must have looked at hundreds of them. Spent hours. Okay, I get it. She was a babe. Duh.

Then I noticed something. The gap. I stared at it, and I stared at it.

Wow.

That gap between her teeth is so Mortimer Snerd.  And the lips look carved out of wood, too.

I usually can't see beauties making the list. Perfect beauty and a face on a ventriloquist dummy are somewhat mutually exclusive things. But there is a good chance that Brigitte Bardot belongs on the V Face List.

Yep. The gap seals the deal.

***

This is what I was supposed to see, right, Regular reader - who made me learn everything about Brigitte Bardot?  It was 30 minutes I will never get back.

***

Before you even start, Julia Roberts - I don't want to get into it with you again.  You are a beautiful woman - the first beautiful woman uniquely equipped to be a model for a dummy face. And to be honest, you are still more V Face List worthy than Ms. Bardot.

So let's not fight again. Please?

***

Yes, for the second time in BV history, I've had an imaginary argument with Julia Roberts. So what?

***

Anyone know where I can get a used copy on DVD of La femme et le pantin (1959)?

Not one?

So, I'm checking out the competition; that patchwork website the Vancouver people put together for "their" Olympics. 

It has a site search function (so what, so does mine), so I typed in "ventriloquism."

Nothing.

Then, I typed in "ventriloquist."

Nothing.

Are you as surprised as I am? That there's, what, 50,000 or so winter Olympic athletes bios, probably a half-brazillion words on their web site, and the word ventriloquism doesn't appear once?

Search this blog for "ventriloquism" and "olympics" and you've got your reading cut out for you.

Actually, I am feeling even better about my quest, my mission, and my missionquest. The Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) is definitely my niche exclusively.

Yea.

Goal No. 33 1/3

Based on extensive research, it's never happened. So would say it never will.

Some might even say, it can't happen.  I say, "why not?"

Shooting high, setting lofty goals, I say.

I want to be WILL BE the first ventriloquist to win a Grammy.

That's right, a G-R-A-M-M-Y.  This is boldly going where no Ventriloquist has gone before.

I'm sure I've said it before, "You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

***

So for my first small step: Anyone know how to do one of them podcast thingies?

The 100-meter Crumpet

The welcome mat has now been blessed by the Brits. 

We Yanks always look to Great Britian to set an example.  We know you would join the party.

What finer thanks can the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) extend than to add England's favorite son (literally), Prince Charles, to the Ventriloquist Dummy Face List.

Now, the younger Prince Charles didn't really have "the look". But as elder statemen go, that carved face had gotten more and more dummy-like all the time.

Please remember, Charlie, I'm not dumping tea into the harbor.  This is a compliment.

Sie Germans

I was proud that Germany was one of the first countries to connect to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).  This is the land of my ancestors. It, quite simply, is family.

And it didn't surprise me really, when the count for Germany went to two.  Some of my readers are old enough to remember the divided Germany, and the athletic Olympic machine called East Germany.  I even shot off an email to the Flag Counter software developers about, for nostalgia, separating hit counts - East Germany and West Germany - just for BVWOC(TM).

That would really be unique, exclusive coverage, ja?

So I can't be more thrilled that as of today, the counter shows 3 for Germany, meaning North Germany has joined East Germany and West Germany. They heard this blog's Rally Call to Nations! Those of you who are geographically challenged about historical political boundaries, I've posted a map of the divided Germany (1945 - 1990).

How long is it going to be before South Germany completes this version of German Reunification under the BVWOC(TM) flag?  Please, I ask in the wholesome spirit if the games - no wagering.

German ventriloquism has been in disrepair since the Pottsdam Conference of 1945.  President Truman's hilarious use of Winston Churchill as a human ventriloquist dummy (see picture) amused European allies but greatly disquieted Josef Stalin.  The agreement to "de-vent" German territories created the void we have today.

***

You can, however, go back to The Great Gabbo (1929) for German ventriloquism.

Well, it's actually faked ventriloquism in an American movie with thick German accents.  There are no references to being a ventriloquist in actor Erich von Stroheim's (Gabbo) biographies.
While the faked accents are actually pretty good, what a classic this could have been with some real ventriloquism. It's questions like that the ventriloquism world needs to keep asking for humanity's sake.

***SPOILER ALERT***

If you don't want a real toe tapper stuck in your head for days, don't watch this clip from The Great Gabbo more than four times in any one seating.

Watch closely at about 0:45 seconds in the clip - there's a shot of two hot babes amorously eyeing up the singing dummy. Is this why my wife is so concerned about my budding ventriloquism? Because it's such a chick magnet?

The Lollipop Song From THE GREAT GABBO (1929) - Click here for another funny movie.

Billions? Billions.

Is this not what the Olympics are all about? One by one, nations joining together with unity of purpose?

So when I point out that the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) has been embraced by India (Population 1.3 Billon - that's Billion, with a B), don't you just want to break out into a chorus of "We are the World"?

India has made its presence known in the Winter Olympics before.  Their biggest hope for success is in the luge. In 2006 and now again in Vancouver, Skivas Kashavan (pictured) will give it strong run (or slide).  India also has two Alpine skiers, Tashi Lundup and Jamyang Namgail, ready to take a run (or slide) at it.

I smell medal.

(Before you go there - Skivas has a look, but not "the look." No ventriloquist dummy face listing for him.)

The ventriloquism world in India seems to start and stop at the feet of Ramdas Padhye, children's show host and awesome puppeteer.  He and his wife Apara make a great team, his puppets are creative, and he's being so entertaining, it doesn't matter how much his lips move.

***

Ramdas and Aparna make quite a ventriloquist/puppeting team. Not that I want to take yet another opportunity, should my wife be reading this, to suggest that, well, wouldn't it be great for a husband/wife team like us to be the American Ramdas and Aparna?

I can already feel my wife burying her face in her hands, shaking her head. Is that a wee bit of crazed weeping, too?

***

I am just awestruck by the magnitude of the audience I'm tapping into now.  If you had told me my blog was going to be accessing a billion people, I would have scoffed. Probably would have shoo'ed you away. 

Now look at how huge this is. Wow.

Water dogs welcome

Boa vinda, meus amigos Portuguese, à cobertura Olympic Budding do inverno de Ventriloquist!

Welcome, my Portuguese friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).

Portugal has a rich history in the Winter Olympics.  The country was fashionably late to the winter games, waiting until 1952 games in Olso and then not again until the 1988 Calgary games. Portugal is taking a wait and see approach to winter medals, too. This shouldn't be a surprise as only eight people can claim to have ever been a Portuguese Winter Olympian and they don't have anyone in Vancouver as of this report.

A search on the Google with the words "Portugal" or "Portuguese" and "Ventriloquist" netted no meaningful results, making my new Portuguese partnership even more remarkable.

You can see how honored I am that they are joining the BVWOC(TM) fun.

Melhor da sorte à equipe Portuguese inteira!

***

Doesn't at least part of you want to be Portuguese Winter Olympian Number Nine? Maybe get out your skates, learn to do a "double Lutz" and a "triple Salchow" in Portuguese?

Or recognize the huge opportunity there is if you can do ventriloquism in Portugal?

The man's a barbarian

Sometimes a guy just needs some good news. He needs to feel appreciated.

He needs to know he rates.

So this week, in an obvious and inevitable selection, Conan O'Brien joins the list of people whose faces belong on a ventriloquist dummy. Conan is the first individual to join the list since Moms Mabley received the honor over Lady Gaga on December 10. The cast of Glee's addition to the list on December 12 was a group honor.

In any event, it's been a bit of a drought. Granted, Moms set the bar high.

Congratulations, Conan. I hope this accolade takes the edge of what has to be a pretty bad week for you. And take note, m'man: Is that other guy on the list?

***

Making the V Face List and looking a little like Howdy Dowdy are two totally different things, too. I should be so doubly blessed.

Jamaica? Bobsledding? Remember?

More international greetings - now to the winter olympic fanatics in Singapore who have found the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).

Olympic records show that the Republic of Singapore has been shut out not just from of winter olympic gold, but totally out of all winter medals. That's just the kind of underdog this budding ventriloquist loves to cheer on!

However, Singapore has apparently opted not to publish the roster of the 2010 Singapore Winter Olympic team - yet. At least they haven't on official olympic sites, or any other place on the internet.

Leave it to them to play the "fashionably late" card! Talk about a wacky bunch!

Maybe the visit to BV was to determine if this popular media outlet gets that exclusive scoop. I am humbled. It is an honor just be be considered.

***

In ther real life news department, Signapore is targeting the 2014 Winter Olympics for ice skating. They're still working on the rink.

Is there a word in the Malay language for Zamboni? Wait - Is there a word in English (Singapore's main language) for Zamboni?

Free time flood

As the Packers dramatically struggled, caught up, tied, and in sudden-death overtime... died, emptiness filled our house. It usually does this time of year at some point. After Packer football (our whole-family passion/hobby) ends, it's all about the grim reality of long, cold, lonely winter.

My wife was pondering what she could spend the upcomng deluge of free time doing, saying, "You have your blog. What could I do?"

"You could take up ventriloquism," I suggested with the casual, sensible tone someone would suggest knitting or pottery.

"No. I don't think so. But thanks for the suggestion," she said, and smiled. It wasn't a vehement objection - just a brief polite rejection of a ligitimate option, yet one that is not for her. I, in turn, appreciate that she supports my efforts, even if usually just with passive acceptance. She even throws out an idea sometimes.

It is a bit of an unconventional pursuit. However, why it raises eyebrows when other people are totally accepted for "restoring '68 Camaros" is beyond me.

She is even supporting my frenetic preparation for the Winter Olympic coverage. At least she hasn't screamed, "Enough!"

Yet.

You give me fervor

G'day, mate!  Tag, hund!

I just knew my international soulmates, the Aussies, and the country of my heritage, Germany, would produce the first international visitors drawn to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).

Just keep watching the flag list grow. The games don't even start for a over month. Watch out, NBC. Looks like you have some competition for audience.

***

I'll even make a friendly wager that both the Australian and German Winter Olympic teams have ventriloquists on them. Ante up.

***

Today's ventriloquist challenge phrase:

"International Fervor of Olympic Fever"

So far, my efforts sound a bit like bubbles in a bathtub and my lips are moving like I'm devouring a bowl of frozen custard.

Oh, those Fs. That P. That M.

***

Welcome aboard, Amy!

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a welcome Amy Richardson to the marketing staff of the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM). Amy's title is Director - Global Marketing. She's off to a great start.

You say potato

BV's announcement yesterday that the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympics Coverage (TM) was going multilingual sure got your heart pumping, didn't it?

It did mine, for sure.

This is not to say that if the games were tomorrow, everything would go off flawlessly. A couple of flaws in the computerized translator need to be fixed.

For instance, it's come to my attention that while the phrase

"Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympics Coverage"

translated literally into the Thai phrase

"รุ่นกระเตาะนักแปลงเสียงโอลิมปิกฤดูหนาวประกัน สุขภาพ."

However, this same Thai phrase fed back into the English translator came back out as

"pubescent ventriloquist Olympic winter health insurance."

My apologies to all my Thai readers and the entire Thai winter olympics team. Having said that, if there are any ventriloquists on your team, can I interview you? If I get a better translator?

That's the kind of scoop you'll find only from the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympics Coverage (TM).

***

NBC isn't ready with there coverage either - so take a chill pill, people.  This is going to be coverage like you've never seen before.

Think about it - you've seen Bob Costas before.

***

A similar "coverage = insurance" translation problem is in the French translation. I'm not sure I can actually apologize to the French.

Spanning the globe

No, it's not a count of gold medals.

The  flag counter you see over in the sidebar is tracking and counting website hits by country as part of the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage(TM). As BV joins and celebrates the global village that is the games, watch the list grow.

Another way BV is capturing the international gusto of the games is by enhancing the site's multilingual capabilties. Reaching out to the world, portions of the coverage will be simul-posted in:

• Spanish: Cobertura olímpica de florecimiento del invierno de Ventriloquist
• Polish: Zaczyna Ventriloquist Zimowych Igrzysk Olimpijskich zasięgu
• German: Knospende Ventriloquist Winter-olympische Deckung
• French: Assurance olympique de bourgeonnement d'hiver de Ventriloquist
• Chinese: 發芽的腹語術者冬季奧林匹克運動會覆蓋面
• Russian: Отпочковываясь охват зимы Ventriloquist олимпийский
• Italian: Riempimento olimpico germogliante di inverno di Ventriloquist
• Swedish: Spirande täckning för buktalarevinterOS
• Norweigan: Håpefulle Ventriloquist Vinter olympiske dekning
• Korean: 싹트는 복화술자 겨울 올림픽 적용
• Thai: รุ่นกระเตาะนักแปลงเสียงโอลิมปิกฤดูหนาวประกัน สุขภาพ
• Farsi: جوجه‌ المپيك زمستاني پوشش کند
• Hindi: साधारण-से गरुडवादी शीतकालीन ओलंपिक में कवरेज

Keeping with BV's commitment to coverage excellence, I invite all international readers to let me know if the above translation of the phrase Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage(TM) can be improved.

It really is all about bringing high quality coverage to you, the readers (all three of you).

***

Expecting a language to be on the list that isn't there?  Let me know.

***

Still in development:

• Southern:  Buddin Ventriloquist Winner Olympic Coverge

***

Don't bother saying it, I know. So far it's all US hits. Duh.

You just wait. As Karen Carpenter once (or twice) said, "We've only just begun."

***

Can't you feel it? How this is growing? This is going to be big.

Leftist ranting

Just a quick hypothesis:

• If the natural inclination is to use a dominate hand to do the most dexterously-complicated work; and
• About 5 to 15 percent of the population is right-handed; and
• Operating the pulleys and strings and magic gadgets to animate a ventriloquist dummy is complicated work; and
• The most common technique is to animate a dummy's arm is to simply use a free hand to grab it and move it; and
• The arm of the dummy that moves the most would be its dominate hand; You can surmise that...

Only about 5 to 15 percent of dummies will appear to be right-handed.  This is why more people don't think ventriloquist dummies are very realistic.

No, I'm not drawing a diagram or providing a picture for you. When it hits you how right (as in "correct") I am, it will hit you big time.

***

To all you right-handed people out there: Why did it take a southpaw like me to figure this out?

Just a wee bit embarrassed now that you didn't think about this, aren't you?

***

Being left-handed, my dummies and puppets will appear to be right-handed. As a budding ventriloquist, this is good for my act. As a proud lefty, it is bad for my soul.

***

Don't get all hung up on the x-ray image of a left hand as you think about my logic problem. I put it there to distract and confuse you.

Ususally, I'll not so unsportsmanlike. Sorry. I must have had a bad biorhythm or something.

Plus service fees. state and local taxes

For lovers of pro football, ventriloquism, and analogies:

Paying full price to see the Indianapolis Colts deliberately play without Peyton Manning is like paying full price for Terry Fator's show in Las Vegas and having a budding ventriloquist substitute for him with no refund offered.

Yes, it's still a show but, geesh, couldn't they at least give out free hot dogs?

***

Multiple mia culpas to Mr. Manning:

1. Sorry to pick on you. You are actually the best quarterback I've ever seen.  I used to think this other guy was until I saw him in a Jets uniform last season and a Vikings uniform this season. Now I see how wrong I was. He was nuthin'.
2. Sorry - but you don't have a ventriloquist dummy face (V face). Nothing personal. It's genetic. Dad and Eli don't make the V Face List either.
3. Sorry if my analogy confuses you in any way. Just know that when you do your job, it's okay for us to see your lips move.

So, we're good, right?

***

Yes, I can be bought for a couple free hot dogs. Maybe only for one - but it has to be a really good hot dog.

Thrill of Victory

2010.  Vancouver. The Winter Olympic Games.

Budding Ventriloquist is excited to announce that from now to the opening ceremony, thru all the breathtaking events, to the retrospectives afterward, you will be able to make this website your home for special BV Only coverage and insights into the games.

When you see this special logo, you'll know that you're getting the kind of olympic coverage only a budding ventriloquist can provide.  Watch for special previews between now and February 12 - the opening day of the games. And remember, you read it first on Budding Ventriloquist.

***

If CNN has taught you anything, it's that a touchstone of any venture of any magnitude is a customized logo. For a venture as speculative as this one, the logo was a great place to start.  Now I aspire to make my coverage as good as the logo.

***

Turns out I should have asked the dummy or the monkey like I said I would. The season final standings of my family's pro football pick'em pool - Wife wins, daughter and son's friend 1 game behind, me - 2 behind, and my son 11 behind.

I was leading all November and December, only to squander a substantial lead.  Last week my son's friend actually took the lead, and with so many "lay down" games in the final week, my wife and daughter made great picks to sneak into the top slots.

Good to my word, next year my picks will be made with advice from my dummy. That gives me nine months to find one that understands this: 

Picking the Minnesota Vikings is always morally reprehensible.

Shouldn't be a problem, should it?

Long may it wave

Rather than tell the long story about my curious choice of New Year's resolution, you just need to know what it is:

2010 is the year I am really letting my freak flag fly.*

Am I going to become a much more competent ventriloquist? Of course.  That's not much of a resolution. I'm not resolving to drive safely to work, either. Some things go without saying.

My wife and teenage children, hearing my resolution, became inexplicably frightened. I'm not taking this personally, but one day my dummy might.

***

* "Letting my freak flag fly" is a concept courtesy of David Crosby in his song, "Almost Cut My Hair," on the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young 1970 seminal album Deja Vu. In the 2005 movie  The Family Stone, the concept was briefly discussed again. In 2010, your budding ventriloquist is goin' for it full-fledged and whole hog, unless vegetarianism is part of the deal.

***

The word "Pffft" is appearing on this blog with increasing frequency (For example, see Centennial Celebration).  For the benefit of both regular and any new readers unfamiliar with this word, I've prepared a video pronounciation key.**

By definition, Pffft is a celebratory expletive.

The key is complete with the correct gesticulation. Technically (what does Merriam or Webster actually know?), the accompanying hand gesture is only optional. My key shows both pronounications (left and right).

Also, Pffft has three Fs. No more, no less.

***

** The video pronounciation key is my second "movie". I'm getting more and more fascinated by the possibilities inside my cheap little camcorder.  I can foresee more "One Shot Cinema" efforts coming.

Would you expect anything less from a budding ventriloquist who's letting his freak flag fly?

***

Another quick blogger note:  When this posts, I think the archive thingy is going to fold the entire year 2009 into one item:  2009 (113).  There's something emmensely satisfying about that as a milestone. It shows some kind of staying power or determination.

Or maybe it just shows how hard-up I am for thrills.