Dealin' with the Man

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Five Funny Jokes

(Ja)eff  Dunham Tickets,

Three Good Springs,

Two Moving Eyebrows,

And a full-sized ventriloquist dummy.

***

December 17, 2009

Dear Mr. Bushman:

After receiving numerous complaints regarding your flagrant violation of Christmas send-up etiquette, we regret to inform you that your license to create comic material has been placed in probationary status.  Your line "(Ja)eff Dunham Tickets" does not, as you claim, "work." No way, no how. Not happening.

Section 132.31(k) of Federal Humor Code states:

"All spoofs, send-offs, and other satirical alterations of songs must utilize and/or capture essential elements of the subject of said spoof."

In this instant case, the number of day of any Twelve Days of Christmas spoof is considered an essential element.

After review this issue with counsel, our suggestion is to make the following changes:

• "Four Funny Jokes" uses your own material (obtained in advance by Homeland Security warrant) and appropriately puts the number 4 in the verse.
• "Five Dunham Tickets" was considered by our committee to be witty and hip. We laughed mightily at the idea of 5 tickets, two couples plus (are you ready?) - ONE FOR THE DUMMY!

Thank you for you immediate attention to correcting your violation.

Yours in humor,


Dr. Vincent "Vinny" Boombatz
Commissioner, Federal Bureau of Humor
Enforcement Division

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DRAFT