A wise-crack of the bat?

The baseball playoffs beginning reminds me that I've been writing this blog for well over a year now. This means there's all sorts of one year anniversaries I could celebrate.

But I really am trying not to do a lot of "blogging about blogging."  There's only so much introspection someone should put out before it becomes both pretentious and tedious. If reading this is boring you, you are at least half way to seeing what I mean.

Having said that, it was this time last year that the first "face that belongs on a ventriloquist dummy" (or V Face) was declared. It was legendary baseball player and manager Joe Torre, who was managing the Dodgers in the playoffs.  His Milwaukee Braves roots helped push his inaugural nomination along, too.

And although many faces were added to the list since, Joe remains an exemplar of what it means to have a face that would make a great ventriloquist dummy.  Not everyone has what it takes, or is even close.

Months after Joe was first named, comedian Moms Mabley joined Joe as a co-"perfect choice."  Only finding two faces in a year shows you how rarely the "perfect choice" designation is made.

And that's as it should be.

Joe has now retired from baseball.  I'm sure he feels good that not only his baseball legacy but his V Face legacy will live on.

Then again, he's never dropped me a note to say thanks for the honor. Maybe he's pissed. But he shouldn't be, because I say again - it's a rare honor.

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The complete list can be found at the V Face list page.

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I am always willing to consider suggestions.  Drop me a note or an email or text me or stick a post-it on my wall or draw a picture in sidewalk chalk on my driveway or do it as graffiti on a public building where it might be mistaken as some kind of protest against The Man or put it on my Facebook wall or call me on the telephone or something. Feel free.

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Oddly enough, the V Face List series is the only regular series on my blog that doesn't have its own logo. And I think logos are so cool that even No Logo Thursday has its own logo... sort'a. kind'a. In a fashion. A wee bit.

I did have to save something for Year Two, didn't I?

All Gaga? Na.

I just saw a face, I couldn't forget the time or place.  It was on youtube.com, and it was a great, fun, wild video by Lady Gaga. It was just the cat's pajamas.*

I even started writing a song:

"I thought to myself, that face...

Could it be, should it be that face

The world be waiting for that face

To belong on a ventriloquist dummy?"**

I was so convinced. A shoe-in. A "well, duh!" All it would take was to look for some photos on The Google to confirm it.

But, alas, she didn't cut the mustard.* She's an outstanding, creative performer, but the " V face list" isn't about that. It's about remarkably interesting face shapes and features.

It might be I was reaching to be hip.*  Putting someone on the list that was current might make me a little current. That, however, is in direct contrast with my nature.  I wasn't current when I was current. I grew up on Ed Sullivan, and remember when The Johnny Carson Show was broadcast from New York.

Ahh, nostalgia. The great old acts of the great old days. So I give you possibly my all time favorite face from the past:

Comedian Moms Mabley.

Sorry, Joe Torre (The inaugural perfect "V face"), you got company at the top of the list now.

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To understand that this pick is really pretty inspired, check out Moms on The Flip Wilson Show. I need to find better clips of her in her heyday. There was a time when comedy wasn't poop just jokes and vulgarities. She was from then, and was funnier for it.

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*  Phrases/terms/words that tell you I'm too old to pretend to be new.  Saying "hip" is not hip.
** I made up a sweet melody to go along with the lyrics. It will cost you a beer to hear it, though.

OMG! Ya know, like, crikey!

Well, just build a billabog with the dingos, mate!

Australians are so outraged at Britney Spears lipsyncing parts of her stage show, the Aussie lawmakers are taking action.  Proposed is that audiences must be warned that parts of the show are not live or are pre-recorded or that the artists are lipsyncing.

For the record, I don't think this brouhaha is about Britney lipsyncing. My bet is that it's about her lipsyncing poorly. Performance media is full of faked performances. Ask Marni Nixon, whose singing was dubbed in for Deborah Kerr, Natalie Wood, and Audrey Hepburn in some of the biggest musical films of all time. The difference: a movie ticket costs $8, a Britney ticket $200. You can throw a lot of shrimp on the barbie for that price. Higher expectations come with it.

I do think a law would have to be crafted carefully.  If it becomes a crime to hear a voice without seeing lips move, Australia would be the first continent to ban ventriloquists.

At least good ones.

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Britney Spears is actually a very pretty and talented young lady. For the record, though, there is nothing about her face that would make an interesting ventriloquist dummy. However, a kangaroo's face might make an interesting dummy, but still not as good a one as Dodger Skipper Joe Torre.

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Britney Spears/dummy jokes were deliberately avoided in the making of this post.

Hold on, Mr. Dummymaker

With thanks to another old friend:

"The former ABC wonk, Sam Donaldson was the quintessential living ventriloquist dummy. Many may correct me and say Sam was more a marionette than a ventriloquist dummy - Sam actually looked liked he had marched/slinked off the set of The Thunderbirds (c. 1967)."

Personally, I was a Fireball XL5 man, myself.  Mosty because the chick, Doctor Venus, was hot. They all tanned better and for some reason I wanted strawberry blonde hair.  It was the 60s. Tans were just starting to get important, red hair only a bit less so. I may still change my name to Colonel Steve Zodiac; Colonel being my first name.

While I know they weren't ventriloquist dummies, the connection is there.  You couldn't see their lips move either.

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Leave it to my friend Rick to suggest a possible rival to Joe Torre for the numero uno spot. Sam Donaldson is tough to argue, but I'm sticking with Joe - for now at least.

Venting about baseball

After the Yankees benefited from the worst call in baseball history and the Dodgers lost to the Phillies (so no Joe Torre story), I've once again sworn off baseball until Spring.  Who wants to see the Yankees in the World Series but to be beat? And not even the Phillies fans are good Phillies fans.

It's never been more obvious that there's lots of umpires driving lots of Cadillacs bought with Yankees owner George Steinbrenner's money.  The last time professional sports was this oblivious to payola, owner Tex Stramm of the Dallas Cowboys was providing rides for NFL referees in the 1970s. At least NFL refs are part-time guys and could probably use the coin. What's the umpires' excuse?

Then again, a ventriloquist dummy can be bought, too.

TGIM

My apologies to my regular reader for missing two "daily" posts in a row. A little commotion in the neighborhood had my attention for a few days, distracting me from ventriliquism thoughts. TGIM (Thank God It's Monday) and I can get back to being preoccupied with how to make the plosive "B" sound without moving my lips.

No, it wasn't Joe Torre coming to my house to beat me to a pulp for using a most unflattering picture of him.  Is there a flattering picture of him? 

Just know, Joe, I'm from Milwaukee from way back (ah, the Milwaukee Braves). You've always been one of my favorite baseball  guys, even when you were in Yankee pinstripes. I just didn't tell anyone then.

And, having a face that would make a good ventriloquist dummy is a good thing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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I look forward to one day writing, "My apologies to my regular readerS..." A guy has to have a dream.

Just a touch of Baseball flu

If you watch some of the Los Angeles Dodgers destiny-driven march to the World Series, you might ask yourself:

• Why are the Dodgers harder to hate than the Yankees?
• Is Dodger Stadium as cool in person as it looks on TV?
• Dodger's Manager Joe Torre question one: He really is going to get to beat the Yankees in the end, and avenge the Yankee's firing him, isn't he?
• Dodger's Manager Joe Torre question two: Can you think of another human face that would make a such a hell-of-a-great Ventriloquist dummy?

Give us a call with your nominations. Lines will be open until midnight.