Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 14 - Looking for Tundra

On a frigid day, Dan and George go out looking for "frozen tundra."   Do you think they find it?  Watch and see.  (And once again, you've been baited into watching yet another Gurus episode.  Go ahead, it you'll feel better afterwards! Promise!)

Watch it here or in wonderful TundraScope at http://youtu.be/B9Mfbg43H9Y.

Brrrr.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 13 - Black Friday

Dan and George go shopping for some gifts for NFL teams.  Maybe they should have gone to a joke store!

But it's all about the picks, right?

Watch it here or on  BVSN (the Budding Ventriloquist Shopping Network) at http://youtu.be/hfmAcHh_mxY .

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 10 - On Rodgers

Yes, the Gurus are a bit Packer-centric.

Think of this one as their way of doing one of those blathering "focus talks" with Warren Sapp, Michael Irvin, and some guy they annoyingly refer to only as "coach."

Yea, we're calling you out, Sapp! Irvin! "COACH"!

You wanna make something of it? Do some ventriloquism some time.  Let's see how tough ya are then!

Watch how the pros do it here or in spectacular GURUVision at http://youtu.be/i-ED-hO-a3A.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 9 - Back in the Studio

It's a good old studio show.  The Gurus hope they are good. They know they are old.

Watch it here or in StudioVision at http://youtu.be/FSVLFOUh-ls.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 6 - BVSpan

It's never politics as usual at BV Studios. Or should we call it BVSpan?

Watch it here or see it on BVSpan-13 at http://youtu.be/D0lR-9ERGgM

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 5 - Guruligan's Island

Get ready to laugh so hard that your ribs will feel like Clay Matthews was unnecessarily rough on you.  And then some!

What else do you expect from the best Ventriloquist Football Prognosticators on the WebWaves.



Or watch it in fabulous ParodyOfOldTVvison at http://youtu.be/rDRNgYoiuLE.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 1 - Season Premiere!

And you thought we weren't coming back!

Yes, there will be a Season 4 of the best ventriloquist pro football prognostication on the WebWaves!  And this year - we have a new term we've invented: High Tech.  It's got a ring to it, ya?

If you can't view it here, see it in magnificent GURUVision  at http://youtu.be/ZCQ_jerOZNE.

###

So you like the High Def? You like the video magic?

Thought you would.

It might take a few weeks, but there's now a whole new HIGH TECH* world that will make Gurus your ever-favorite football picks show.

* High Tech:  BV Productions owns the copyright to this word that was created by the staff to describe BV studios technical advances.  You say it, you owe us $1.25 each time.  It's the law. Really. Very legal.

Gridiron Gurus'12: The Super Bowl!

Thanks for watching this season.  The entire crew of Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus hopes that when you have the blues or just some turquoise or even lavender, you call up one of the episodes and smile.

Watch Super Bowl Pick Show here or in amazing LastShowOfTheSeasonScope at http://youtu.be/V5lqJt1JSj4.

Gridiron Gurus'12: Les Gururables

Ladies and gentleman, we present to you the once and future classic:

Les Gururables

If you can't view it here, view it in spectacular GururablesVision at http://youtu.be/BtDNy-giDNM

Gridiron Gurus'12: The Division Playoffs

Those kooky, wacky Gurus. And their little dog, too!

Watch it here or in AggieScope at http://youtu.be/PPNs1tfL2mU.

Gridiron Gurus'12: Wildcard Playoffs!

It's the playoffs!  Dan and George are psyched! Get ready for playoff-quality ventriloquism like you've never seen before!

Watch it here or in glorious PlayoffVision at http://youtu.be/6Yn2gcZYSFA.

Gridiron Gurus;12: Week 17

It's the regular season finale.  Starting next week, it's the best ventriloquist playoff coverage there is on the webwaves. Or anywhere else, doggone it!

Watch it here or in Finalescope at http://youtu.be/R-CTBElSXKQ.

Gridiron Gurus'12: Week 16 - Christmas Weekend

The Gurus are back in the studio. After all the fun of the last few episodes, it was time to show their ventriloquist mojo again. And do they ever!

Or is that supposed to be a question:  Do they ever?

Watch it here or in HoHoHoScope at http://youtu.be/kjoFAy2tuVU.

Merry Christmas,  and may your compass point to joy.

Gridiron Gurus'12: Week 15 - At the Mall

We know what you've been thinking:  The picks are so-so, the ventriloquism isn't actually getting any better, but the movie making is getting darn near Spielberg-ian.

Let's see what you think after this one.

What it here or in MallView at http://youtu.be/L-X0EbcajXY.

Gridiron Gurus'12: Week 14 - Guru-pardy!

There was a choice between two ideas.

I picked the easier one.  From what it took to put this "easy" one together, the hard one would have required that I quit my job!

Watch it here or in GameShowVision at http://youtu.be/4h-_W14gcN8.

And this time it's...

Now in High Definition? Which might be showing Dan's lips moving more clearly than usual?  Might not be the best idea.

Anyone who can figure out the score between Dan and George gets a Gridiron Gurus hat! We promise!

Gridiron Gurus'12: Week 13

This is kind'a an encore presentation. Sort of. I'll explain later.

###

Yes, bad things happen when that ugly number 13 comes around...

It all started off with great promise - George and I at the Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus studio.  We were rehearsing with the show's newest technical marvel for explaining the Xs and Os of football, The Guru-strator...

But, after I diagrammed a play that Aaron Rodgers would use to flummox the Vikings, George got a bit argumentative...

And no matter what I said, he just wouldn't let it go that he thought he knew that Packers better than me...

I was ready to just 'Let George be George' until he said, "Hey, did you know you could write words with this 'strator' thing?"...

I should have been more adult, but hey - he's older than me! So of course I showed him that I, too, could use the Guru-strator not for good, but for evil...

"Old fart, huh!" George bellowed, and a melee ensued...

The actual video of this event (especially the sound track) is not the wholesome family fare that you, my skein* of regular readers and viewers, expect from the professionals here at Budding Ventriloquist.

So please accept these picks for week 13 as a good old-fashioned text post:

Packers over Vikings
Bills over Jaguars
Seahawks over Bears

Colts over Lions
Panthers over Chiefs
Patriots over Dolphins
Cardinals over Jets
Niners over Rams
Texans over Titans
Broncos over Bucs
Ravens over Steelers
Raiders over Browns
Bengals over Chargers
Cowboys over Eagles
Redskins over Giants

(I had Falcons over Saints. Really we did.).

### 

This week in non-Guru life was as hard as being a brown suit in a room full of tuxedos**. So, a brand new episode was not going to meet the high quality production standards that has always defined Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus.  This encore presentation was, ironically, from week 13 of 2010. Loyal fans can feel cool knowing this was from the magical, experimental Season One.

###

*A skein is a group of geese in flight.

** That was a George Gobel line. I should do a post on the Tonight Show episode when he said it. It was and is quite an entertainment time capsule.

###

And while we are in the holiday shopping season (and rerunning things)...

http://youtu.be/EfTflKnL-CQ

And let me know if you really want one!

Gridiron Gurus'12: Week 11- That's a rap

Yep. This tests the limits. Gets outside the box. Goes where we've never gone before.

And it will only cost you 2 minutes of your life.

And you'll feel your brain expanding to accommodate the idea that it even exists.

Really.

Watch it here or in magnificent GURUVision at http://youtu.be/oEcnJGS2h9s.

For the Record: Week 10 review and Thursday pick

For Week  10: 9-4-1 (10-4!)
For the Season: 92-54

There was a tie.

A tie is like kissing your sister.

Dan ain't kissing Hoge. or Jaworski.

George ain't, either.

No sir.

Or madam.

Would you read my book? It took me years to write. Would you take a look?

It's about playing word association games. With a sidebar story on Tourette's.

###

 

The ESPN posers took the St. Louis-San Fransisco tie as a correct pick.  I wouldn't have. Doesn't seem right.

But when in Rome...

###

Thursday Night Football

MIAMI at BUFFALO

The Pick

 

Two teams, both terribly unreliable.  Just when you think you can pick them, they:

 

• take a long walk off a short pier.
• go play in traffic.
• don't need a license to shoot themselves.
• have a dog with a face that walks backwards... (oops, can't make that one make sense.)

You get the point.

So, instead of basing the pick based on football prowess, the pick is based on obscure 1960's TV.

Therefore and ergo, the pick is: 
(Here's the link for the embedded youtube video challenged: http://youtu.be/Qonx-4aBqwk)

###

 

Anyone up for a Margarita Sierra film festival?

Gridiron Gurus'12: Week 10 - Flight II

Two words: Smelling Oscar.

Two more words:  Lookoutdenzel Washington. 

If it doesn't play here, watch it in glorious CliffHangerVision  at http://youtu.be/BBnBHGP-Rsg.

For the Record: Week 9 Recap and Thursday Pick

Week 9 Record:  10-4.
Season Record:  82-50.

Geez. Jaworski is now ahead of the Gurus. And that Accuscore guy is tied with the Gurus.

There's a Golic at the gates.

We need to pick up a game just to be Hoge tied.

The Seuss dude is doing more than rhyming. And Mortensen continues to rhyme with Cheat-ensen.

 Can't you just hear Dan's voice in the intro saying:

"Welcome to Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus -
The Getting Pissed Edition..."

'Nough said.

###

Thursday Night Football

INDIANAPOLIS at JACKSONVILLE

The Pick

It is better to be born lucky than rich.

Nobody's getting rich picking Jacksonville.

Bless one's lucky star.

The Jags' one star isn't blessed, he's injured.

Lucky at cards, unlucky in love.

Jaguars couldn't beat the Cards on a good day.

You should be so lucky!

You shouldn't be the Jax QB.

Quarterback Andrew Luck.

Quarterback Blaine Gabbert?

Pick the Colts.

###

And as a final Andrew Luck joke, think about the difference in context between:

Luck Be A Lady, if sung by the Indianapolis Colts, and
Luck Be A Lady, if sung by the Jacksonville Jaguars.

I know, you weren't expecting such a "think piece" to be tossed at ya.

Need some music to think by? Hit it, Mr. Brando:

View it here ( http://youtu.be/xVlQXvrWC_A).