Once you see it, it's hard to miss

One of my regular readers (there may be as many as five now, not counting the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) readers, who I am hoping come back after the games) insisted today that there's a post about Brigitte Bardot, currently a French animal rights activist and a formerly an actress, fashion model and singer.

I explained to him that I am well aware of Ms. Bardot's celebrity, and that BV is PG-13 blogging. I will not do cheesecake.

When I was talking about my ventriloquist version of Avatar (Remember aVENTar?), I ran a picture of Sigourney Weaver.  Did I cheaply go for the picture of her in only underwear from the first Alien? No. Of course not. That would have been, well, cheap.

He persisted. He told me to read up on her in Wikipedia.  While she actually is a radical activist politically, weirdly racist and selectively homophobic, there was no mention of her ever performing ventriloquism.  The closest relevant reference to anything I'd blog about was in her filmography. La femme et le pantin (1959) (The Woman and the Puppet) was one of her films. However, the movie's tagline was:

"In Her Hands Men Were Puppets...Loving Her Was Like Walking Blindfolded Into a Jungle!"

That didn't sound like it was a salute to Edgar Bergen, or even Senor Wences - even allowing for the allusion to "her hands."

Finally, I searched in the Google for pictures. Must have looked at hundreds of them. Spent hours. Okay, I get it. She was a babe. Duh.

Then I noticed something. The gap. I stared at it, and I stared at it.

Wow.

That gap between her teeth is so Mortimer Snerd.  And the lips look carved out of wood, too.

I usually can't see beauties making the list. Perfect beauty and a face on a ventriloquist dummy are somewhat mutually exclusive things. But there is a good chance that Brigitte Bardot belongs on the V Face List.

Yep. The gap seals the deal.

***

This is what I was supposed to see, right, Regular reader - who made me learn everything about Brigitte Bardot?  It was 30 minutes I will never get back.

***

Before you even start, Julia Roberts - I don't want to get into it with you again.  You are a beautiful woman - the first beautiful woman uniquely equipped to be a model for a dummy face. And to be honest, you are still more V Face List worthy than Ms. Bardot.

So let's not fight again. Please?

***

Yes, for the second time in BV history, I've had an imaginary argument with Julia Roberts. So what?

***

Anyone know where I can get a used copy on DVD of La femme et le pantin (1959)?

Facing the music

Lately, I have posted ideas about a few celebrities vis-a-vis their merits as a face for a ventriloquist dummy.

I do want to apologize to any and all of them if someone feels this is a slight. Please be assured that it is, at it's worst, a clinical observation.  At its most best, it is, in my mind, the grandest of compliments.

As I write this blog, I do need to be more considerate about people's feelings.  Feelings do get hurt in ways that last long time.

As it stands today, I hate to think that if and when I meet Julia Roberts (nominated November 12 on the post The egg came first), there might be an elephant in the room.

"Hi, I'm Dan Bushman, and I am thrilled to meet you," I'd say, extending my hand (and secretly dreaming of getting one of those not-so-personal hollywood hugs from her).

"Dan Bushman? The Budding Ventriloquist, right?" She'd reply.

And before I could finish my smiling nod, she'd say, "I am NOT speaking to you."

Ouch. But, I guess it's deserved.

***

For the record, I did say she would make not just a pretty dummy, but a very pretty dummy. If that kind of truth hurts, then rip me to shreds, Julia.

***

Yesterday's post, regarding my "sexiest man list" goal, is being used by some as evidence of some kind of mental instability. I assure you, it is not. Why is it that every time I earnestly set a professional goal, it's treated like a parade to be rained on?

Nabobs.

The egg came first

And again with thanks from a friend:

"Now one wonders, has anyone seen Lady Penelope and Julia Roberts in the same room???"

Lady Penelope was a character on The Thunderbirds. Julia Roberts may very well make a very pretty ventriloquist dummy.

Now, I won't be so ungentlemanly as to suggest that I've invested quality time watching Julia Roberts' lips closely just to see if they are in sync with her voice. Or Lady Penelope's.

***

After admitting yesterday that I thought Doctor Venus on Fireball XL5 was hot, an associate advised me that such thoughts are usually reserved for animate beings. Yea, yea, yea. Picky, picky, picky. I should have asked him to spell  imagination... or suspension of disbelief. He probably hates puppets, and obviously has never had a crush on one. Or a crush on Julia Roberts, or...

Wait. I'm digging myself deeper on this issue, aren't I?

Time for my lips to stop moving?