Thursday, January 21, 2010

Once you see it, it's hard to miss

One of my regular readers (there may be as many as five now, not counting the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) readers, who I am hoping come back after the games) insisted today that there's a post about Brigitte Bardot, currently a French animal rights activist and a formerly an actress, fashion model and singer.

I explained to him that I am well aware of Ms. Bardot's celebrity, and that BV is PG-13 blogging. I will not do cheesecake.

When I was talking about my ventriloquist version of Avatar (Remember aVENTar?), I ran a picture of Sigourney Weaver.  Did I cheaply go for the picture of her in only underwear from the first Alien? No. Of course not. That would have been, well, cheap.

He persisted. He told me to read up on her in Wikipedia.  While she actually is a radical activist politically, weirdly racist and selectively homophobic, there was no mention of her ever performing ventriloquism.  The closest relevant reference to anything I'd blog about was in her filmography. La femme et le pantin (1959) (The Woman and the Puppet) was one of her films. However, the movie's tagline was:
"In Her Hands Men Were Puppets...Loving Her Was Like Walking Blindfolded Into a Jungle!"
That didn't sound like it was a salute to Edgar Bergen, or even Senor Wences - even allowing for the allusion to "her hands."

Finally, I searched in the Google for pictures. Must have looked at hundreds of them. Spent hours. Okay, I get it. She was a babe. Duh.

Then I noticed something. The gap. I stared at it, and I stared at it.


That gap between her teeth is so Mortimer Snerd.  And the lips look carved out of wood, too.

I usually can't see beauties making the list. Perfect beauty and a face on a ventriloquist dummy are somewhat mutually exclusive things. But there is a good chance that Brigitte Bardot belongs on the V Face List.

Yep. The gap seals the deal.
This is what I was supposed to see, right, Regular reader - who made me learn everything about Brigitte Bardot?  It was 30 minutes I will never get back.
Before you even start, Julia Roberts - I don't want to get into it with you again.  You are a beautiful woman - the first beautiful woman uniquely equipped to be a model for a dummy face. And to be honest, you are still more V Face List worthy than Ms. Bardot.

So let's not fight again. Please?
Yes, for the second time in BV history, I've had an imaginary argument with Julia Roberts. So what?
Anyone know where I can get a used copy on DVD of La femme et le pantin (1959)?

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