The man's a barbarian

Sometimes a guy just needs some good news. He needs to feel appreciated.

He needs to know he rates.

So this week, in an obvious and inevitable selection, Conan O'Brien joins the list of people whose faces belong on a ventriloquist dummy. Conan is the first individual to join the list since Moms Mabley received the honor over Lady Gaga on December 10. The cast of Glee's addition to the list on December 12 was a group honor.

In any event, it's been a bit of a drought. Granted, Moms set the bar high.

Congratulations, Conan. I hope this accolade takes the edge of what has to be a pretty bad week for you. And take note, m'man: Is that other guy on the list?

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Making the V Face List and looking a little like Howdy Dowdy are two totally different things, too. I should be so doubly blessed.

Jamaica? Bobsledding? Remember?

More international greetings - now to the winter olympic fanatics in Singapore who have found the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).

Olympic records show that the Republic of Singapore has been shut out not just from of winter olympic gold, but totally out of all winter medals. That's just the kind of underdog this budding ventriloquist loves to cheer on!

However, Singapore has apparently opted not to publish the roster of the 2010 Singapore Winter Olympic team - yet. At least they haven't on official olympic sites, or any other place on the internet.

Leave it to them to play the "fashionably late" card! Talk about a wacky bunch!

Maybe the visit to BV was to determine if this popular media outlet gets that exclusive scoop. I am humbled. It is an honor just be be considered.

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In ther real life news department, Signapore is targeting the 2014 Winter Olympics for ice skating. They're still working on the rink.

Is there a word in the Malay language for Zamboni? Wait - Is there a word in English (Singapore's main language) for Zamboni?

Free time flood

As the Packers dramatically struggled, caught up, tied, and in sudden-death overtime... died, emptiness filled our house. It usually does this time of year at some point. After Packer football (our whole-family passion/hobby) ends, it's all about the grim reality of long, cold, lonely winter.

My wife was pondering what she could spend the upcomng deluge of free time doing, saying, "You have your blog. What could I do?"

"You could take up ventriloquism," I suggested with the casual, sensible tone someone would suggest knitting or pottery.

"No. I don't think so. But thanks for the suggestion," she said, and smiled. It wasn't a vehement objection - just a brief polite rejection of a ligitimate option, yet one that is not for her. I, in turn, appreciate that she supports my efforts, even if usually just with passive acceptance. She even throws out an idea sometimes.

It is a bit of an unconventional pursuit. However, why it raises eyebrows when other people are totally accepted for "restoring '68 Camaros" is beyond me.

She is even supporting my frenetic preparation for the Winter Olympic coverage. At least she hasn't screamed, "Enough!"

Yet.

You give me fervor

G'day, mate!  Tag, hund!

I just knew my international soulmates, the Aussies, and the country of my heritage, Germany, would produce the first international visitors drawn to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).

Just keep watching the flag list grow. The games don't even start for a over month. Watch out, NBC. Looks like you have some competition for audience.

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I'll even make a friendly wager that both the Australian and German Winter Olympic teams have ventriloquists on them. Ante up.

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Today's ventriloquist challenge phrase:

"International Fervor of Olympic Fever"

So far, my efforts sound a bit like bubbles in a bathtub and my lips are moving like I'm devouring a bowl of frozen custard.

Oh, those Fs. That P. That M.

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Welcome aboard, Amy!

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a welcome Amy Richardson to the marketing staff of the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM). Amy's title is Director - Global Marketing. She's off to a great start.

You say potato

BV's announcement yesterday that the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympics Coverage (TM) was going multilingual sure got your heart pumping, didn't it?

It did mine, for sure.

This is not to say that if the games were tomorrow, everything would go off flawlessly. A couple of flaws in the computerized translator need to be fixed.

For instance, it's come to my attention that while the phrase

"Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympics Coverage"

translated literally into the Thai phrase

"รุ่นกระเตาะนักแปลงเสียงโอลิมปิกฤดูหนาวประกัน สุขภาพ."

However, this same Thai phrase fed back into the English translator came back out as

"pubescent ventriloquist Olympic winter health insurance."

My apologies to all my Thai readers and the entire Thai winter olympics team. Having said that, if there are any ventriloquists on your team, can I interview you? If I get a better translator?

That's the kind of scoop you'll find only from the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympics Coverage (TM).

***

NBC isn't ready with there coverage either - so take a chill pill, people.  This is going to be coverage like you've never seen before.

Think about it - you've seen Bob Costas before.

***

A similar "coverage = insurance" translation problem is in the French translation. I'm not sure I can actually apologize to the French.

Spanning the globe

No, it's not a count of gold medals.

The  flag counter you see over in the sidebar is tracking and counting website hits by country as part of the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage(TM). As BV joins and celebrates the global village that is the games, watch the list grow.

Another way BV is capturing the international gusto of the games is by enhancing the site's multilingual capabilties. Reaching out to the world, portions of the coverage will be simul-posted in:

• Spanish: Cobertura olímpica de florecimiento del invierno de Ventriloquist
• Polish: Zaczyna Ventriloquist Zimowych Igrzysk Olimpijskich zasięgu
• German: Knospende Ventriloquist Winter-olympische Deckung
• French: Assurance olympique de bourgeonnement d'hiver de Ventriloquist
• Chinese: 發芽的腹語術者冬季奧林匹克運動會覆蓋面
• Russian: Отпочковываясь охват зимы Ventriloquist олимпийский
• Italian: Riempimento olimpico germogliante di inverno di Ventriloquist
• Swedish: Spirande täckning för buktalarevinterOS
• Norweigan: Håpefulle Ventriloquist Vinter olympiske dekning
• Korean: 싹트는 복화술자 겨울 올림픽 적용
• Thai: รุ่นกระเตาะนักแปลงเสียงโอลิมปิกฤดูหนาวประกัน สุขภาพ
• Farsi: جوجه‌ المپيك زمستاني پوشش کند
• Hindi: साधारण-से गरुडवादी शीतकालीन ओलंपिक में कवरेज

Keeping with BV's commitment to coverage excellence, I invite all international readers to let me know if the above translation of the phrase Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage(TM) can be improved.

It really is all about bringing high quality coverage to you, the readers (all three of you).

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Expecting a language to be on the list that isn't there?  Let me know.

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Still in development:

• Southern:  Buddin Ventriloquist Winner Olympic Coverge

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Don't bother saying it, I know. So far it's all US hits. Duh.

You just wait. As Karen Carpenter once (or twice) said, "We've only just begun."

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Can't you feel it? How this is growing? This is going to be big.

Leftist ranting

Just a quick hypothesis:

• If the natural inclination is to use a dominate hand to do the most dexterously-complicated work; and
• About 5 to 15 percent of the population is right-handed; and
• Operating the pulleys and strings and magic gadgets to animate a ventriloquist dummy is complicated work; and
• The most common technique is to animate a dummy's arm is to simply use a free hand to grab it and move it; and
• The arm of the dummy that moves the most would be its dominate hand; You can surmise that...

Only about 5 to 15 percent of dummies will appear to be right-handed.  This is why more people don't think ventriloquist dummies are very realistic.

No, I'm not drawing a diagram or providing a picture for you. When it hits you how right (as in "correct") I am, it will hit you big time.

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To all you right-handed people out there: Why did it take a southpaw like me to figure this out?

Just a wee bit embarrassed now that you didn't think about this, aren't you?

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Being left-handed, my dummies and puppets will appear to be right-handed. As a budding ventriloquist, this is good for my act. As a proud lefty, it is bad for my soul.

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Don't get all hung up on the x-ray image of a left hand as you think about my logic problem. I put it there to distract and confuse you.

Ususally, I'll not so unsportsmanlike. Sorry. I must have had a bad biorhythm or something.

Plus service fees. state and local taxes

For lovers of pro football, ventriloquism, and analogies:

Paying full price to see the Indianapolis Colts deliberately play without Peyton Manning is like paying full price for Terry Fator's show in Las Vegas and having a budding ventriloquist substitute for him with no refund offered.

Yes, it's still a show but, geesh, couldn't they at least give out free hot dogs?

***

Multiple mia culpas to Mr. Manning:

1. Sorry to pick on you. You are actually the best quarterback I've ever seen.  I used to think this other guy was until I saw him in a Jets uniform last season and a Vikings uniform this season. Now I see how wrong I was. He was nuthin'.
2. Sorry - but you don't have a ventriloquist dummy face (V face). Nothing personal. It's genetic. Dad and Eli don't make the V Face List either.
3. Sorry if my analogy confuses you in any way. Just know that when you do your job, it's okay for us to see your lips move.

So, we're good, right?

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Yes, I can be bought for a couple free hot dogs. Maybe only for one - but it has to be a really good hot dog.

Thrill of Victory

2010.  Vancouver. The Winter Olympic Games.

Budding Ventriloquist is excited to announce that from now to the opening ceremony, thru all the breathtaking events, to the retrospectives afterward, you will be able to make this website your home for special BV Only coverage and insights into the games.

When you see this special logo, you'll know that you're getting the kind of olympic coverage only a budding ventriloquist can provide.  Watch for special previews between now and February 12 - the opening day of the games. And remember, you read it first on Budding Ventriloquist.

***

If CNN has taught you anything, it's that a touchstone of any venture of any magnitude is a customized logo. For a venture as speculative as this one, the logo was a great place to start.  Now I aspire to make my coverage as good as the logo.

***

Turns out I should have asked the dummy or the monkey like I said I would. The season final standings of my family's pro football pick'em pool - Wife wins, daughter and son's friend 1 game behind, me - 2 behind, and my son 11 behind.

I was leading all November and December, only to squander a substantial lead.  Last week my son's friend actually took the lead, and with so many "lay down" games in the final week, my wife and daughter made great picks to sneak into the top slots.

Good to my word, next year my picks will be made with advice from my dummy. That gives me nine months to find one that understands this: 

Picking the Minnesota Vikings is always morally reprehensible.

Shouldn't be a problem, should it?

Long may it wave

Rather than tell the long story about my curious choice of New Year's resolution, you just need to know what it is:

2010 is the year I am really letting my freak flag fly.*

Am I going to become a much more competent ventriloquist? Of course.  That's not much of a resolution. I'm not resolving to drive safely to work, either. Some things go without saying.

My wife and teenage children, hearing my resolution, became inexplicably frightened. I'm not taking this personally, but one day my dummy might.

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* "Letting my freak flag fly" is a concept courtesy of David Crosby in his song, "Almost Cut My Hair," on the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young 1970 seminal album Deja Vu. In the 2005 movie  The Family Stone, the concept was briefly discussed again. In 2010, your budding ventriloquist is goin' for it full-fledged and whole hog, unless vegetarianism is part of the deal.

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The word "Pffft" is appearing on this blog with increasing frequency (For example, see Centennial Celebration).  For the benefit of both regular and any new readers unfamiliar with this word, I've prepared a video pronounciation key.**

By definition, Pffft is a celebratory expletive.

The key is complete with the correct gesticulation. Technically (what does Merriam or Webster actually know?), the accompanying hand gesture is only optional. My key shows both pronounications (left and right).

Also, Pffft has three Fs. No more, no less.

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** The video pronounciation key is my second "movie". I'm getting more and more fascinated by the possibilities inside my cheap little camcorder.  I can foresee more "One Shot Cinema" efforts coming.

Would you expect anything less from a budding ventriloquist who's letting his freak flag fly?

***

Another quick blogger note:  When this posts, I think the archive thingy is going to fold the entire year 2009 into one item:  2009 (113).  There's something emmensely satisfying about that as a milestone. It shows some kind of staying power or determination.

Or maybe it just shows how hard-up I am for thrills.