State Jokes


This prognosticator from Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus asks you to:
  1. Remember the cartoon character Foghorn Leghorn, a rooster with a boastful, southern accent;
  2. Imagine me practicing Foghorn's voice, and perhaps using George, or Max LeMonk, my monkey puppet (remember him?); and
  3. And indulge me in making this pick in the form of what my brothers and I called a "state joke".  This is a pun played out in a story where the punchline is a state name, such as "Misses Hippie."This time it will make use of a city name, but you get the idea. (You're already groaning, aren't you?) 
So, it would go like this:
***
 The other day I was walking down the street with my old lawyer friend.  He had taken the job as District Attorney, but it was making him very depressed.

 He went into the  courthouse and then I heard a big explosion inside.  All of a sudden, the doors flew open, and the police and the judges and lawyers ran out in every direction.

I saw which way the defense attorneys went, but I didn't see my old lawyer friend.  So I turned to the person next to me and asked...
 “Hey, where did the Sad DA go?”
***
The other day, I was walking down the street
When I saw my old friend from New Delhi.
He was looking a little peeked, so I asked him if he was feeling well.
He said he was on a special diet that cuts out all the fruit.
"Not an orange, not a grape," he said.
I told him that I didn't think that sounded healthy, but he said...
"It's okay to leave an Indian Appleless."

***
The other day a woman was walking down the street with a name-brand laptop
and she was very sad.
I asked her what was wrong, and she said,
"I have this nice laptop, it's empty. There isn't any programs on it."
I knew I could help her, so I pulled out my thumb drive
and offered her a copy of my programs.
 
I said,
"It's all right, little lady.  I'll Fill-a-Dell-fa-ya"

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