Nie przywozimy waszych piwo?

Powitanie, moja polskich przyjaciół, aby Rodzącej Ventriloquist Zimowych Igrzysk Olimpijskich zasięgu.

Welcome, my Polish friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

You got here! And you are so welcome! Let's put on a kettle of czarnina, slice some kielbasa ,and get to talking Poland's winter olympic and ventriloquism worlds.

Poland has already picked up a medal, with  Adam Malysz picking up a silver in ski jumping.

Justyna Kowalczyk took a bronze in 2006 and is looking at a taking home a bunch  in women's cross-country skiing. Poland could medal in men's biathlon with Tomasz Sikora (2006 silver medalist).

Not only has Poland been to all the Winter Olympic Games since 1948, a native son - the Great Lester (1880-1956) - was a giant in Vaudeville. His was born in Poland as Maryan Czaijkoski.  He's considered ventriloquism's first superstar.

Thanks to my friends at Ventriloquist Central, I'm stealing this story:

For his act, Lester would often drink a glass of water while Frank spoke. On one occasion in 1925, the musicians substituted whiskey for the water as a prank. Lester drank the whiskey without any apparent difference. However, Frank Byron (his character) started coughing and shaking as if he had drunk the whiskey.

On the current Polish ventriloquism scene, there's Wojciech Glancj, or Wojie, who claims to be the only Polish Ventriloquist.  I'm still working on exactly what his connection is to a hypnotist is. I believe they get share some billings together.


But move over, Wojie, Pawel Gorka looks to be cuttting in on your territory. I'm sure Wojie actually welcomes the competition, and Poland could use two ventriloquists. Heck, what country couldn't? The Vatican?

Here's Pawel putting on some news satire. If he could be convinced to be a more serious journalist, he could have joined the BVWOC (TM) Team:

***

Why the special excitement over Poland? Well, you can take the boy out of the south side of Milwaukee, but you can't take the south side of the boy.

Growing up in an ethnically rich city, my universe was populated by lots of folks who had very few vowels in their names.  Poles, Serbs, Croatians, and Latvians, to name a few, brought a music of accents and stories and jokes to my life that you only assume are part of everyone's upbringing. Many were only second- or third-generation Americans.

Here's a classic piece of doggerel* from my youth. Even when you weren't Polish, it's amazing how many of the Polish words you wound up knowing anyway.


A week or so ago, I threatened to tell a Canadian-Polack joke as a means of baiting Poland and Canada to visit my site.  My editorial board told me in no uncertain terms I was not to do any such thing. I was so upset, I told her she could her wash the dishes by herself.

To be clear, being of German descent on the south side of Milwaukee, we told Polish jokes in the same way Swedes in the Twin Cities tell Norweigan jokes. There was no offense to it.

Granted, Sweden never invaded and occupied Norway. But you see my point?

***

*Merriam says that doggerel means "loosely styled and irregular in measure especially for burlesque or comic effect", and Webster insists on adding "also : marked by triviality or inferiority." Webster is such a nabob of negativism.

Space: An Olympic venue

Dear NASA and President Obama:

Please, please, please don't take my inattention to the current shuttle mission as a lack of commitment to my (and one day soon, "our"? Right?) Ventriloquist In Space Program (VISP). And it's not that I can't multitask, but...

The Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) has been eating my lunch. It's been like the frat house party in Animal House here. Everytime the door opens, a  new country walks in. No, they're never in a toga. At least to begin with.

It continues to bring challenges. The Malaysians are all of a sudden  keenly interested in the BVWOC (TM), though I think they are just thinking about thinking about going to the Winter Olympics in the future. My site is getting a lot of that. Sort of the perfect place to start learning about the majesty of the Games.

Pakistan is taking part in the Winter Olympics for the first time. Skier Mohammad Abbas hits the slopes today. Go, Mohammad, go!

It would be cool for you to have the shuttle crew watch him.  I think he needs the encouragement.  Maybe point the Hubble Telescope down to take a picture of him just at the right time. You can do that, right? If it's not cloudy?

I think that kind of action would bring the international flavor of space program and the international wonder of the olympics together.

I have a feeling that there will be a ventriloquist in space before there will be a ventriloquist in Malaysia or Pakistan, at least from what my research turned up. But this is where the VISP and world peace and cooperation come together.

You see that, don't you?

One last thing, then I'll let you get back to your lunch: Will it be okay to have the BVWOC(TM) logo on my space suit? Not that I think you should go all NASCAR and sell adverstising on the suits. Again, it's the international gesture I'm thinking of.

I could sew it onto the space suit I've been stitching together here for practicing in, and let you see how it looks.

Your thoughts?

Would write more, but I've got to get my coverage crew ready for the day. Max and Steed are still sleeping. They had a late night.


Yours in space,



Dan Bushman
Budding Astronaut
Budding Ventriloquist
American

Care for a Danish, anyone?

Velkommen, min danske venner, at den gryende Bugtalerdukke VINTEREN OLYMPISKE dækning.

Welcome, my Danish friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

Those Danes!  A women's curling powerhouse!

Denmark has been a regular Winter Olympic participants since 1948, but it wasn't until 1998 that they won thier first medal in Nagano.The women's curling team took the silver with Helena Blach Lavrsen at skip. 

The skip player determines the strategy, directs play for the team, and delivers the last pair of stones for his/her team in each end.


This year, Angelina Jensen is seeing if she can skip Denmark to another medal. I know I'll be watching women's curling from beginning to end this time. Having a favorite to cheer for is going to make it exciting.

And my thanks to the Danes for your patience as you waited for this Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) profile. Allow me to explain the delay.
My search on The Google for insights into your ventriloquist world lead me to a Danish site, Aux.  Aux is "a non-profit forum for listening culture founded in 2004 in Copenhagen". Simply, it is a group fascinated in sound and sound manipulation. I think.

In one of their stories they made this reference:

"Danish ventriloquist Preben Palsgaard produced a spellbinding performance and answered questions from the audience, revealing ventriloquist tricks of the trade and techniques. In the 19th Century the ventriloquist doll was believed to be a mouthpiece for voices from the beyond - somewhat similar to the powers ascribed to technology in the beginning of the 20th Century."

And the hunt was on!  Preben Palgard, the Danish king of ventriloquism, can be part of my BVWOC(TM) story. But, as with anything that seems too easy...

The name pops up, but websites don't open. 

Seaching videos was even more bizarre, yielding me videos of a guy named Preben Palsgaard, who does a trick wher he starts a long chain saw on a huge log, locks the throttle open, lets go of it, and lets it cut while he sits in a lawn chair.

This couldn't be my guy, could it? I can't quite find the nexus between ventriloquism and this party trick. Not that it's done at parties I go to, but I know folks for whom it's more commonplace.

This same routine goes on for days. I feel the entire nation of Denmark is feeling pretty put out by the snub.

Then, I come up with a last-ditch effort. I use an online translator to create this phrase:

"Hvor er de gået, Preben Palsgård? En nation viser sin ensomme øjne for dem. Wo Wo Wo." (Where have you gone, Preben Palsgård? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Wo Wo Wo.)

I invoked it, in Danish, and - Abracadabra!

The link to Preben's website magically appears - and magically works!

I so want to speak a little Danish now, just to get an explanation of the talking pants picture!  What I can tell is that Pleben has been at it for years.  And I hope he continues for years to come.

***

Don't worry, New Zealand.  I saw you polk your head in for a peek, and that's all it takes to get part of the BVWOC(TM).  I'm thinking that I never really did a proper salute to Australia's winter olympians, either.

Sounds like a "Down-Under Special Edition" is in order!  Don't worry - I won't shortchange you, my New Zealand friends. Full coverage for both countries. That's the Budding Ventriloquist Way (TM).

***

Yes, you read it - The Budding Ventriloquist Way(TM).

Move over "Winner's Way" and all you other kinds of "Way" people. There's a new sheriff in town.

Thai one on

ยินดีต้อนรับสู่ประเทศไทยและเพื่อนของผมเพื่อการแข่งขันกีฬาโอลิมปิกฤดูหนาวนักแปลงเสียงรุ่นกระเตาะ สุขภาพ .

Welcome, my Thai friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

The enchanted land of Thailand appears to be totally bereft of ventriloquists. Absolutely, positively, bereft.

My buddies, Merriam and Webster, define bereft as:

1. Deprived of something, or
2. Lacking something needed or expected.

Deprived of ventriloquism, which is something needed or expected. This sounds like somethng the Red Cross or the Peace Corps should be getting right on, don't you think?

But Thailand is not bereft of Winter Olympians. Prawat Nagvajara was Thailand's lone competitor in two winter games. Prewat is associate professor from Drexel University in electrical and computer engineering.

In 2002 he did not finish in the Men's 30 km, and in the 1.5 km sprint, he finished 68th out of 71. Buoyed by not finishing last in 2002, he returned to Winter Olympic in 2006.  He did not buoy quite as well that time, finishing  last in the Men's 15 km classical, 29 minutes behind the winner.

But for all that, he's a olympic record holder. He's the oldest Olympian to compete in an endurance sport.

I say that makes him a Thai national treasure.

Imagine if he learned ventriloquism too. Wow, huh?

***

Still no word from my nephew in Thailand about joining the coverage team. Maybe I need to explain it to him better. An opportunity like this takes a bit to digest.

Go west wing, young man

This is not just because someone got caught with a particularly "perfectly silly look" on his face. That wouldn't be fair. That would mean at any moment, we all could wind up on the "Face that belongs on a ventriloquist dummy" list.

But since when is life fair?

I can't help but look at White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, caught in a jocular grin, and put him on the V Face List. Congrats, Bob.

Bet that Rahm guy is going to get all cussy about Gibbs making the list. That's just the green-eyed monster coming out of him.

***

The nations keep coming to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM) party. New Zealand and Denmark I owe formal welcomes to. Both are destinations of my dreams! I'm feeling the love already.

Thailand may get real special treatment.  I've asked my nephew, Jeff, who lives in Thailand to join Max LeMonk, Steed Hideaway, and myself on the coverage team. Jeff would be my "man on the ground" in Thailand for the duration of the Winter Games.

Very surprisingly, he hasn't responded.

Am I going to have to talk to your mother, young man?

Sometimes you feel like a nut

Boa vinda, meus amigos de Brasil, à cobertura Olympic de aprendizagem do inverno de Ventriloquo.

Welcome, my Brazilian friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

Considering that, in my mind, Brazil is mostly the home of the Amazon River, I'm impressed that the Brazilians have been to the last five Olympic Winter Games. So far their best showing was by Isabel Clark Ribeiro finishing ninth in snowboarding  at the 2006 Torino Games. This year, Brazilian cross-country skier Jaqueline Mourao will be competing, but is not really considered a contender. She's also an olympic mountain bike cross-country cyclist, and this will be her fourth consecutive Olympic Games (Athens, Torino, Beijing, Vancouver). It's always good to keep busy, I guess.

It's really more likely that the visit by the Brazilian to BVWOC (TM)  is about some advance preparation for when Rio de Janiero hosts the Summer Games in 2016.  When it comes to covering the Olympic games, it's wise to check out who's doing it right. Ask the Vancouver people how many hits their official website has from Brazil. Bet they're not even counting.

From the Brazilian ventriloquism scene, here's a clip from Tarcísio Magalhães Sobrinho, also knows as Tarcísio Meira. He's a well known actor in Brazil, and is known from the early days of the popular Brazilian channel Globo. Tarcísio is the creator of Teatro de Marionetes Guarujá (Theater Guarujá the Marionette), and is, in at least one Youtube.com-savvy Brazilian's mind, the best ventríloquist of Brazil.

***Political Correctness Confusion Alert***

It's weird to try and figure out whether the black-faced puppet creates the same kind of stir in Brazil that it would produce here. It would be interesting to know where this falls in under the Brazilian definition of politically correct. It could just be the equivalent of Jeff Dunham's Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

***

In other sports news, The New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts, 31-17, to win the American football championship game called the Super Bowl. The game's famous half-time show featured an old rock band. Based on their age, I think it was Bill Halley and the Comets.

The big challenge

Izreči dobrodošlico , svoj slovenski prijateljstvo , v učenje oseba zimski olimpijski kritje.

Welcome, my Slovenian friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

Slovenia has presented me with a huge challenge for coverage.

They appear to have two winter Olympic athletes with some chance to medal - Petra Majdic and Tina Maze. Petra is a sprint skier who has a simple strategy - go full speed! Tina's a downhill skier and used her success to get her father to quit smoking. Smokers probably think dad didn't have a whole lot of faith in her if he took that bet. 

Good for you, Tina - Dad's got a great reason to thank you. Don't let him bet to start up again.

On the ventriloquism front, however, I am absolutely shut out. These two athletes certainly don't belong on the V-Face list, there's no Slovenian ventriloquism info on the web at all, and I can't just make something up out of thin air. I am a serious journalist.

**** THE BOLD CHALLENGE ****

I read great things about Slovenian history, the people, and their athletes.  I have hope for prosperity in their future.  Therefore,  I will make this challenge to their athletes:

If Slovenia takes a medal in the 2010 Winter Games, I will do everything in my power to travel to Slovenia and give them a ventriloquism show.

Oh, dear. What did I just do? I'm flat broke. I don't know how to speak a word of Slovenian. Come to think of it, I don't really know how to do ventriloquism.

But for all these barriers, and having made a commitment that frightens even me... GO PETRA! GO TINA!

A Swedish monkey?

Välkomnande min svenska vänner, till den spirande täckningen för buktalarevinterOS. Welcome, my Swedish friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

With a rich history and passion for winter sports and one of the rock stars on the new ventriloquism scene, I couldn't be happier that the Swedes have pulled their camper van up to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage (TM).  Both the men's and women's hockey teams are looking to medal, they are so good at skiing they could with the downhill and the uphill, and they have a female biathlete (that's cross country skiing and rifle shooting) that could shoot the eye out of a Swedish fish.

And then there's Zillah and Totte. Totte is a small brown monkey, and his best friend is Cecilia Andrén. Winners of the largest talent show in the world (the World Championships of Performing Arts) in 2008 and Sweden's Got Talent (called Talang in Sweden) in 2007.

She's got the knack for sure and gives her monkey friend a cute charm. Their performance in the finals of Talang 2007 had a great sense of humor with a send-up of those big production numbers we've all seen too many times.

It's fun to watch the clip and realize the show style transcends the language.  Even without the subtitles, is there any doubt what the host is saying?

And here's one without the subtitles, too. It allows you to really watch technique closely. Her lips really don't move!

Granted, without knowing Swedish, you can't tell whether anything Totte is saying is even intelligible. Given the universal language of laugher is present in abundance, I think it's safe to assume yes, she's very good.

***

Three days ago, a lone Dutch visitor stopped in on BV, just with a little leak in the dike. Now there's a Netherlands flood! To think I said I want to party with these people, and now look at them come. How can I not get a big, warm, tingly feeling from this?

Huffin' and Puffin

Dear NASA and President Obama:

How was your Christmas? Sorry a new months have gone by since my last letter. This Winter Olympic thing, as I'm sure you're noticing, is really eating my lunch timewise.  I wish you'd send me a crate of Tang to help me keep my nourishment up.

I just want to tell you how cool your Puffin Project is.  This "one man stealth plane," as it's being referred, looks like a whippin' good time, and I want to help you get the popular support that it deserves.

That's why I am suggesting this: let the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage's (TM) own Steed Hideaway do one of his soon-to-be-famous "Hey, Let me try that" pieces and fly the Puffin.  You know what they are, those wacky "news" stories where the reporter plays hockey without a mask or plays contact bocce ball with the pros or goes cross country bowling or something, all to help promote a cause.

I know what you're going to say; it's only a concept, it's too experimental, it's too risky. That it will boldly crash where we've already crashed before.

Your concern is noble and very appropriate. But let's just say Steed owes me one. Because of me, he's a member of the working press. Let's say I have some pull with him.

Any news on my application for the Mars trip? My back problems are almost gone, so I stand ready.

Yours in space,

Dan Bushman

Budding Astronaut
Budding Ventriloquist
American

Going Dutch

Onthaal, mijn Nederlandse vrienden, aan de het ontluiken Olympische Dekking van de Winter van de Tovenaar van de Stem.

Welcome, my Dutch friends, to the Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage.

The Netherlands appears to be a regular and active Winter Olympic country, fielding 11 athletes at the upcoming games.  Go, Nedeerlandse vrienden!

Though none of the athletes are listed as ventriloquists, they are rempresenting a country that is clearly fascinated with the Art of Kings.  Just look at:

• Radio Netherlands Worldwide, that runs a story celebrating Britain's First Ventriloquist - Fred Russell, sometimes referred to as the father of modern ventriloquism.  It's a good listen.
• There was a Youtube clip of Britain's current first lady of ventriloquism, Nina Conti, performing in the Rotterdam until the web police took it down. Doesn't that just make it more tantalizing? What was she doing?
• Dutch researchers Mirjam Keetels and Jean Vroomen have published "Tactile-visual temporal ventriloquism: No effect of spatial disparity" in the journal Attention, Perception and Psychophysics.
• Having read the abstract, I think it's about the order in which our senses figure out stuff and come to a single, whole sense of reality.
• TV or not doesn't make any difference.

Maybe I should try to get an interview with the authors.  Wouldn't that be cool?

Obviously, the Dutch are ventriloquism crazy! I want to party with these people! Any time, any color zone!

***

The Canadians, trying to avoid the embarrassing comparison of their Winter Olympic website to BVWOC(TM), have been slow to check out the excitement here, numbers-wise. Poland has not stopped at the registration desk either. If this continues for another week or so, I may resort to telling my favorite Canadian-Polack joke in order to bait them.

In fact, I'm setting a date.  If I haven't heard more from the Canadians and anything from the Poles by February 7, I'm  lettin' it fly.

***

Because I grew up on the south side of Milwaukee (pronounced "Sout'side of Ma-wawkee"), telling Polack jokes is my birthright. However, just because I am American, telling Canadian jokes is not really my birthright.

But what the heck. Let's do'er, eh?

***

Because I am human, telling Minnesotan jokes is my birthright. More on this later.