Thursday, June 3, 2010

For I'll be there, putting on my *sshat?

This idea came up for a ventriloquist routine if I could work two puppets: One is a teenage boy and the other a teenage girl, much like the two darling offspring that live in my house. I, as the ventriloquist/father, would be in the middle but wouldn't bother trying to get a word in edgewise.

They would do nothing but insult and disagree and argue that white is black and black is white. A significant, reoccurring topic of conversation would be who they consider to be a big "*sshat."

If I did try to interject something, I would find it futile, or draw a scorning stare from both of them. Because although they seem to have nothing but distain for each other, they are more than in agreement that I have no relevant input on any topic of interest to them.

However, in the end, they would let me know that I am not an *sshat. I would produce a genuine expression of touching warmth.

The reason it would all work out great as an act is because the adults in the audience would all relate to the universal truth: If your teenagers don’t think you’re an *sshat, you’re doing something right.
***
The Andes Candies people have a Limited Edition Dessert Indulgence array comes in an assortment of three flavors: Raspberry Cream, Lemon Meringue and Key Lime. They are twice as thick as the classic Andes Candies.

This is something that only adults truly understand the potential wonders of. It wouldn’t matter that teenagers wouldn’t think it important to them. They are too young for such pleasures.
***
For years I had a fixation with Ginger Altoids.  In fact, I considered running for President on the platform that they should be sold at any place that sells the other Altoids.  This Andes/Indulgence thing might just give new breath to my political ambitions.

Ginger Altoids are an adult thing, too.
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I firmly deny that the story above is an any way autobiographical. Nope, nope, nope. Nothing like my house. Nope.
***
There is something about this new slang "*sshat" word that I just find terribly amusing. It rolls off your tongue really well, too. Like Andes Candies.
***
I am not receiving any money from Andes Candies for this post.  I am a journalist. I do this in the interest of a better informed public.

But, Andes Candies people, if you wanted to send me some product to sample, I'll put them to great use.

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