Thursday, June 17, 2010

Orange whip? Orange whip?

With the monumental effort to organize the Ventriloquists Down Under Week consuming my entire staff, Budding Ventriloquist elected not to cover the FIFA World Cup. Also, after watching the England-USA match, I still have that confounded vivizozobobo (what ever!) horn sound in my head.

However, with a big match between USA and Slovenia coming up, which will undoubtedly raise already strained international tensions – this web site has raised the Budding Ventriloquist Slovenian Relations Monitor status to ORANGE. .

To paraphrase the incomparable C.W. McCall*, "Mercy sakes alive, good buddy. Looks like we got us a quagmire - again."

For new readers, this whole issue/dilemma/quagmire/crisis thing came down like this: 
  • The Budding Ventriloquist Winter Olympic Coverage ™ highlights the athletes and ventriloquists of Slovenia. Well… there were athletes, but no ventriloquists.
  • I challenge Slovenian athletes to take home medals, promising I would go to Slovenia and perform a ventriloquist act if they do.
  • They did!
  • I didn’t!
  • I think the Slovenians might feel a bit stiffed. They haven’t contacted me about it, but people who feel stiffed might just sulk.
  • The color code alert system was developed to keep you informed 24/7.
  • I suspect that the Slovenian Secret Police have been stalking me. I can’t say I’ve seen them, but then they wouldn’t be secret police if a neophyte like me would notice them, would they?
  • I’ve been quite nervous about coincidences. For instance got a nail in my tire, and I never saw a nail like it before. It seemed… foreign.
  • I have tried to write the State Department, but the new MS word software kept losing my document. Lord, I hate upgrades.
 So as we wait here in the states (I’m not giving away our location, am I?) for the match on Friday morning, we need to be vigilant. But please, if you have a Slovenian friend or neighbor, give them a hug, not a stink eye. Invite them over. Tell them you’re looking for a better recipe for Belokranjska povitica (the precursor to the nut roll). They will beam with national pride.

Unless, of course, they have suspicious, secret police-looking mustaches. Then all I ask is please – don’t bring up ventriloquism.
At the risk of seeming Un-American, I am cheering for Slovenia. I learned a lot when I researched the country and it's people. It seems like a great place with strong, noble people.  In fact, if they win, I will go to Slov... wait.

Oh, man. I almost did it again.
Is that car on the street in from of my house on of my kid's friends cars? Looks pretty vanilla, like I shouldn't be noticing it. Like a secret police guy would drive.
I created a page they you can click to to read all the gritty details post by post as they happened. One day, the National Archives will thank me for it.
*For the young'uns out there, C.W. McCall performed a 1970s classic hit, "Convoy", which was about truckers and CB radios.  The 1970s were not good music years.

But here it is, for educational purposes only.

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