Mind = Blown

This actually is changing my entire thinking even about ventriloquism.*

George's, too.



* And no, Joni Mitchell.  The seasons don't actually go round and round after all. Still love ya, though.

Gurus '14: Week 2 - Who are the real experts?

I know the first question on your mind. How did Dan and George do in week 1?

10-6. Not bad, considering all the upsets.

And how did the expert panel at ESPN do? Well, as of 7 pm central on Wednesday, who knows?  They haven’t tallied their results. 

Why?  They obviously are ashamed. Or as Gomer Pyle used to say, “f’shame, f’shame, f’shame.”

They are either cowards or lazy.  Got that high priced experts who get paid boatloads while George and Dan are showing how it’s really done? You heard that. What’cha gonna do about it? Huh?

###

Beginning this year, part of reviewing last week will talk about last week’s good and bad. It’s only fair, and the BV staff loves designing logos for feature stuff.

PICK: And there it was.  You heard it here and then it happened.  We picked Miami to beat New England “because it would feel so good.”  And it sure did. 

ICK: Dan made the Raiders  pick largely due to the side effects of painkillers he’s taking for his back.  Not really, but that’s a better excuse than the real one: he really thought they would win.

###

Week 2

THURSDAY

Pittsburgh over Baltimore
Ravens rally as a team to overcome the Ray Rice scandal? Nope.

SUNDAY

Green Bay over N.Y. Jets
Packers thought there were 5 preseason games. Oops.

Buffalo over Miami
‘Phins over Pats was surprising, Bills over anyone needs to be rewarded by picking them.

Detroit over Carolina
With Jim Caldwell as coach, can you still actually hate the Lions?

Atlanta over Cincinnati
Matt Ryan is my fantasy team QB at work. Duh.

New Orleans over Cleveland
Browns fans. How I wish better for you.

New England over Minnesota
Against the Pats the only thing Miami and Minnesota have in common is a big M.

Arizona over N.Y. Giants
The Giants don’t really start playing until week 9.

Dallas over Tennessee
Jake Locker. Ok. Now name another guy who plays for Tennessee.

Jacksonville over Washington
The Jags get off the schnide early.

Seattle over San Diego
The flaw in the Packers game plan last week was they didn’t account for Seattle being the better team.

Tampa Bay over St. Louis
Lovie Smith, most under-appreciated man in football.

Denver over Kansas City
KC QB Alex Smith. Think about it.

Oakland over Houston
Because Dan lacks the ability to think rationally.

Chicago over San Francisco
2 or 3 times a year, the Bears play over their heads. This is number 1. You read it here first.

MONDAY NIGHT

Indianapolis over Philadelphia
The Colts are just getting warmed up. The Eagles offense is, in a word, hokey.

###

Ventriloquist on the Sidelines

(Remember, this blog is still about ventriloquism)

  

What current or past football player's face would make a great ventriloquist dummy?

Discuss.

Happy Packer Christmas! Ho! HO! GO PACK GO!

All day long I've been happy. Happy Happy Happy.

As the old Al Jolson song goes:

I'm happy, so happy, walkin' on air
The why and the wherefore
Is someone I care for. (* and **)

Then I realized... It's Packer Christmas! The day we open the present!  

Preseason is that pre-holiday anticipation - What's in the box? Will my wish come true? Did Santa get my letter?***

Time to get set.  Pregame is almost on. Missing Brent, Jayne, and Erv so much! This is like watching the chimney for black boots and a green and gold suit!



GO PACK GO! GO PACK GO! GO PACK GO!

###

* - Bet you thought I was going to quote the Pharrell guy's song, didn't ya.

** - I love my Green Bay Packers.

*** - Yes. I wrote.

Gridiron Gurus'14: We're back... and about Dan's back...

It’s football season again, and once again the Gurus are going to be busy picking!

But, um… However… this is a little tough to say, but…

George and Dan are taking a break from the rigors of taping the show for at least the first half of the season.  Dan is on the PUP-FOC (Physically Unable to Perform - in Front Of Cameras) List, and George is, well, George. That never made it easy to begin with.

And, there continues to be the corporate sponsorship issue.*

However, if Gridiron Gurus stands for anything**, it stands for expert prognostication.  It’s what every viewer really was tuning in for. Really. It is.***

So to fill that void, consider the next 8 weeks or so Gridiron Gurus’14: The Lost Episodes.

And read on because here are the picks.

Week 1

Thursday Night

Green Bay over Seattle

Mr. No Huddle will rain on the Seahawk party.  No light drizzle this time.

Sunday

Atlanta over New Orleans

The Falcons have their claws back. And most of their players, too.

Cincinnati over Baltimore

It’s still weird to think of the Bengals as a regular contender.

Chicago over Buffalo

Those lucky Bears.  Nice to open the season 1-0 before you even play the game.

Houston over Washington

Can you really pick the Redskins to win? Even against Houston?

Kansas City over Tennessee

Name someone who plays for Tennessee. Go on. Name someone.

Miami over New England

Just because it would feel so good.

Oakland over N.Y. Jets

You gotta admit, the Raiders’ “Commitment to Weirdness” is impressive.

Philadelphia over Jacksonville

Our Prediction: The Jags will surprise … someone before midseason.

Pittsburgh over Cleveland

The Browns are the road team. That’s the Week 1 reason the Browns will lose.****

St. Louis over Minnesota

The Vikings are the road team. That’s the Week 1 reason the Vikings will lose. *****

Dallas over San Francisco

The Cowboys have kept most of their star players out of Alcatraz this year.

Carolina over Tampa Bay

As George would say, “The Ucks… are Ucky.”

Sunday Night

Denver over Indianapolis

Broncos over Colts. There’s a whole bunch of horse puns on the tip of my tongue…

Monday Night

Detroit over N.Y. Giants

This just has to do with my fantasy football team.

Arizona over San Diego

The existence of a second Monday Night Football game is just wrong! Wrong I tell you!

 ###
Ventriloquist on the Sidelines
(Remember, this is a still about ventriloquism, too.)

If Gridiron Gurus found a Howard Cosell****** dummy, would anybody get the joke anymore?

Discuss.

###

* -  Corporate Sponsorship: You'd think the average of over 30 hits a week would wow someone into dumping ugly amounts of money into senseless, wasteful advertising. "Hello? Koch Brothers?"

** - Watching for the picks: Unless you want to admit to watching it for the ventriloquism...

*** - If Gridiron Gurus stands for anything:  That is an interesting question. Whether it does, that is.

**** - The Browns: The entire creative staff at Budding Ventriloquist Studios are actually Browns fans. They bleed Brown's ... brown. And all of them passed on getting free Hepatitis-B vaccines. That kind of explains things.

***** - The Vikings:  For the record, Gridiron Gurus has not picked the Vikings to win a single game in 4 years. And the Gurus are 39-24-1, for a .617 correct percentage. Hall of Fame Steeler Coach Chuck Noll had a lifetime .544 record. Hall of Fame Cowboy Coach Tom Landry, the man with the hat, had a lifetime .607 record.  We are prepared to go on and on and on about this.

****** - Howard Cosell:  The picture was purloined from a site called "Find a Grave." That is kind'a creepy, ya?

Budding Comedian II?

From Budding Ventriloquist:


Fearless. Shameless. Undaunted. Determined. Learning. And hope you are amused.


My second diving into the stand-up comedy waters keeps me saying, "This is how we learn." I do believe I am managing to get upstream, though I'm still getting water in my nose.


Because the original and still central intent of my "Budding Ventriloquist" adventure was to share the journey with all its warts, trips, and turns, the following is presented without commercial interruption. That's something, at least.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 17 - Season in Review

We had fun this year.  Enjoy the look back. The final picks of the year are in there somewhere, too.

Remember: THIS ISN'T EASY!

Watch it here or in SeeYouNextYearVision at http://youtu.be/PtkgMJRHzLs.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 16 - Twas a Guru Christmas and the Jingle Bells Special again!

Hope your holiday is wonderful.  Hope the picks you make are wonderful. Hope you smile when you watch this.

Watch it here or in ChristmasVision at http://youtu.be/YdPAm7p_hsk.


And hope you watch the Jingle Bells Christmas special, too.  Check it out here http://youtu.be/Bi8tvwaPhjo

Gurus Picks for Week 15

Because BV Studios believes people actually care - here's the Gridion Guru Picks for Week 15!

THURSDAY, DEC. 12                                                       

San Diego at Denver                                               Denver

SUNDAY, DEC. 15                                                           

Green Bay at Dallas                                                         GB

Washington at Atlanta                                            Atl

Chicago at Cleveland                                              Cleveland

Houston at Indianapolis                                          Indy

Buffalo at Jacksonville                                            Buffalo

New England at Miami                                            Miami

Philadelphia at Minnesota                                       Eagles

Seattle at N.Y. Giants                                            Seattle

New Orleans at St. Louis                                        NO

San Francisco at Tampa Bay                                    SF

Arizona at Tennessee                                             AZ

N.Y. Jets at Carolina                                              Carolina

Kansas City at Oakland                                           KC

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh                                           Cinn

MONDAY, DEC. 16                                                          

Baltimore at Detroit                                               Ravens

Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way!

Here it is. The oft-promised and now really happening second ...

Budding Ventriloquist Christmas Special.

Hope you do some laughing all the way.

This is Dan's and George's Christmas Card to you. Yes, that means we didn't get you anything.

Watch it here or over and over in SnowScope at http://youtu.be/Bi8tvwaPhjo.

Gridiron Gurus'13: Week 14 - Looking for Tundra

On a frigid day, Dan and George go out looking for "frozen tundra."   Do you think they find it?  Watch and see.  (And once again, you've been baited into watching yet another Gurus episode.  Go ahead, it you'll feel better afterwards! Promise!)

Watch it here or in wonderful TundraScope at http://youtu.be/B9Mfbg43H9Y.

Brrrr.