Wednesday, October 24, 2012

For the record: Week 7 Recap




Oh how the Gridiron Gurus – the very ones presented by Budding Ventriloquist – are …

Feelin’ Guru-vy!

With a solid if not pretty gosh-darn lofty 10-3 record in week 7, Dan and George doing what gurus do… see the truth, and the vision...

And the winners!

The Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus gang knows exactly why the ratings are surging.  50 views for Week 7 is a high water mark for any ventriloquist sports prognostication show on the web. And that’s not just football prognostication; that’s ANY sport.


50 views is more than any episode. Ever. And most of the hits aren't even Dan wstching himself.



At 63-41 (60%) for the season, the GGs* are putting a whole punch of kickin’ butt on the ESPN “Failing 14” panel of experts. Only two of those media-manufactured smarty pants are doing better. And it those two are hereby exposed: 

  1. As exclusively reported here last week, Chris Mortensen is just plain cheating. 
  2. Seth Wickerstam is named after Doctor Seuss characters (the Wickerstam Brothers from Horton Hears a Who.) 
  3. There is good reason to believe Mortensen is also a Wickerstam Brother, though likely a bastard child. You know, like Health was a half-Barkley brother in the 1960s western The Big Valley. Ergo, Mortensen has got a bit of Seuss-juice.

Here’s a video that proves it all.  The one in the middle bares a striking resemblance.









You probably think we should give it up. But we can't. We're journalists.


But we’re not going to belly ache, either.  Dan and George are having fun, picking winners, and …

Da-da-da-DA-da, da-DA-da, feelin’ guru-vy.



###

Thursday Night Football
TAMPA BAY at MINNESOTA
The Pick

This game is a tale of two nevers.

Never Number One:  After a few weeks into the season, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were put on the "never pick them" list.  They were just going to break your heart and bring very un-guru-y results.

Never Number Two: Never pick the Vikings. Nope. Can't do it.

Now if Never Number Two seems unprofessionally biased, consider this: In the first two years of BVPGG, that strategy lead to at 23-9 success rate. 

Having said that, and because every dog has its day, and devil's children have the devil's luck, the winner of Thursday's game will be...

The Vikings.

Yes. The Vikings are picked to win.

Yes, that just happened. Get out the Pepto.  This is going to take a bit to get over.

###
* The GGs - a new abbreviation for the Gridiron Gurus, specifically Dan and George personally. The show should always be properly referred to as Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus (BVPGG).  It's a rule, dang it!


No comments:

While you're still laughing, read this:

Related Posts with Thumbnails