Thursday, September 1, 2011

Season Three: Let's get the party started! Soon...

Yes, it's finally happening.

The coalescing of thought.  The co-mingling of ideas.  The conjugating of everything and anything conjugateable.*

The Budding Ventriloquist Creative Staff  (BVCS) spent the summer kicking around ideas. They also kicked each other, but we'll talk more about that later.

Out of it came the Ultimate Master Plan Of Mirth (the UMPOM  as we say in the biz) for Season Three. And what an UMPOM it is.

The staff is putting the finishing touches on it right now, including coming up with a better acronym than UMPOM.  Last I checked, that effort has digressed into some sort of drinking game having to do with hearing the name "Bob."  I'm not complaining, though.  It seems to be working. At least that's what the staff keeps insisting in between shots.

This  long-awaited progress was not, however, without its detours and dead ends. The gang had more than one catastrophically bad idea.

But if Budding Ventriloquist stands for anything, it's that the only bad idea is one that goes wasted. Ask anyone, they'll tell you just that about BV.**

Oh, and superbly thought-out pretense and conceptual underpinnings, too. Like this finely honed piece of logic:

  1. The TV networks are all pitching their new fall season shows; AND
  2. This is a fall ritual every man, woman, and child in this great country looks forward to with unfettered hope, EVEN THOUGH
  3. We know from history that not only are most of them going to fail, most of them are going to fail because they are crap, LIKE
  4. The bad ideas the BVCS wasted time with, SO
  5. I should put the bad ideas on display here on the blog BECAUSE
  6. it's damn American!
One must do what one can for the country that makes publishing a blog like Budding Ventriloquist not a crime, but a right.

Libyans, this is your future!

Therefore and forthwith, hang on to your socks. I give you the first in a series of rejected ideas:



After kicking around the concept that ventriloquism is either a hobby or a calling, or both, the team proffered:
“An odd vocation it is, like decoupage.”
And then, there was dead silence.

Can you sense the dramatic pause? The creative tension? Perhaps an air of fear and loathing that the Craft of Kings*** was being simultaneously besmirched and heralded as the natural successor to the Art of Kings****?

Yes, it all made sense. I know about as much about decoupage as I did about ventriloquism back in August 2009 when this whole wonderful adventure started. And, dare I say, decoupage is as under-appreciated as an art and form of expression as ventriloquism is

Mod Podge: God's sticky gift.
Still, I had to let the staff know that:

·         Scissors are not my strong suit. In fact, they aren’t even in my deck.
·         What can get messy WILL get very, very messy when I’m involved.
·         Sticky is a challenge. I am the only person who can turn a half-used roll of duct tape into a hostage situation. (I carry a Medical Alert alarm with me at all times for just this reason.)

The debate continued and ultimately broke down on the sticky point of whether decoupage is performed by a decoupagist (my vote), decoupager (a popular, edgy choice among the young'uns), or decoupagee (pronounced de-koo-paa-zhay by the Indie rock crowd).  Food was thrown. That's where I draw the line.

We moved on.

***
*Conjugateable: something that is capable of participating in conjugation (joining, forming a single piece).  This is highlighted because as a derivative form of the word conjugate, it doesn't actually exist in the English language

'Til now, that is.  Do you feel awestruck that you got to see the birth of a word? Right here?

I even got to decide how to spell it.  How cool is that?

**  To be honest, I'm not sure what "they" say or would tell you about BV, though I have a feeling a New York Times poll would show I could win the Republican nomination if I announced at the right time.

***Decoupage is really and truly the Craft of Kings.  I looked it up.

**** Ventriloquism is the Art of Kings.  Looked that up too. Same place. But I already told you that.

***
See? I kept my promise. Here it is September 1 and, back at the beginning of June, I told you:



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