Sunday, April 17, 2011

BV preRSVPs, OK?

Just saying - travel arrangements take time, Lord Chamberlain. You know they do.

Hotel rooms need to be booked, plane tickets bought, limousines arranged ... alarm clocks need to be reset to Greenwich Mean Time. I would do that now, so George and I get used to it.

Yes, even a puppet has a circadian rhythm.

So were is the invitation?

Okay, I did get ahead of myself. I got non-refundable airline tickets already.  And I probably shouldn't have given YeOldeLondoneCabbie.Com my credit card number.  It's website did seem a bit cheesy, even if it looked like English cheese. They even sent me a confirmation with my name in old English - Ye Olde Dane Bushmane.

And to keep costs down, George and I had a little tiff (how Brit of us... a "tiff"!) about our lodging.  He kept saying after the dumps that we stayed in during Budding Ventriloquist Presents Gridiron Gurus, he wanted something closer to "G-D Buckingham Palace," as he so eloquently said.

After I told him I didn't know what he was talking about because we never actually left my house ... Oh, I get it now. Now I realize why he was laughing.

That old fart.

And of course, then there was the idea of traveling a very European way by staying in a youth hostile, to which he said, "Well, that will half work, we're no youths, but you really can piss me off."

I've called  the United States Postal Service, and they assure me that the invite isn't in any of the lost mail offices.

Maybe the invitation didn't get off the Isles?  Do you folks have a lost letter department in your post office? I mean, if that's it, I understand. Letters get lost all the time.

And you are inviting at least one ventriloquist, aren't you?

FYI - this document has been determined to be a hoax.

I knew it from the second I saw it.  The fonts don't match.  Duh.

What kind of weirdo would mock up such an unconvincing counterfeit?

And list George first?
Am I just coming at this all wrong?  Maybe the ticket to getting an invitation is to pretend I have something better to do than go to the wedding. 

I would just say, "Oh, yes, the wedding.  I was going to be on holiday in Versailles that whole week, but perhaps I could consider dragging myself out of the fourposter, just for kids. Kate and Will need so much support."

Yea, that just might work.

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