Saturday, March 5, 2011

The skipper too?

Dear NASA and President Obama:

How are ya?

Sorry to hear about the lost satellite this week. I hear you think it's in the Pacific Ocean with the rest of the rocket and you are not sure right now whether you're going to try and find it.

Yikes! I can't tell you how important the answer to that question is, and how much it needs to be a resounding "yes."

You see, here at the Ventriloquist in Space Program (VISP), we understand failure.  Holy Mahoney, do I understand failure.  If you look at the amount of funding I have been able to get even when the Democrats controlled both houses of Congress, you know what I mean. Not to be snippy, but you didn't do much better, although you did get more than zero.

I can't even get that Boehner guy on the phone.

But I digress.

Perhaps when it comes to a failed launch crashing into the ocean, The thoughts here at VISP should be explained this way:
  • Given that one of us on board of the VISP flights is what you might consider to be an inanimate object, your indifference to immediate rescue is still going over as a bit callus.
  • Yes, I know. I can envision the form. I know you have to check a box.  So if only a ventriloquist dummy is on board, it does mean you check "Unmanned" rather than "Manned." So, there's a risk. I get it.
  • I do stand firm that listing any of the ventriloquist "partners" on the cargo manifest would be an insulting indignity.
Moreover, and perhaps in a more hopeful vein, I am considering the reality of ending up out in the ocean like this satellite. To wit, my son (acting as adjunct staff of VISP) has started and is already into streaming the third season of Lost.  When he's done, he'll be providing a full report on survival skills needed to survive such a crash. His early reports are kind of startling... and creepy.

His report will be intermixed with data I'm gathering from Tom Hanks' Castaway, Disney's Swiss Family Robinson, the Clark Gable version of Mutiny on the Bounty, and, of course, the original reality series Gilligan's Island.

You see, here at the Ventriloquist In Space Program I learned long ago that, as the old saying goes, when given lemons, make lemonade. Want a glass? Only 50 cents. Talk about alternative funding strategies, huh?

And by the way, although I haven't written to you lately, I do think you might initiate contact every once in a while. Or should I say, at least once.  My apologies if that's you  on my cell phone voicemail. I forgot my password a while ago. Hey, who hasn't?

Say hi to the kids with a big hug from me. Hope they are enjoying school.

Yours in space,

Dan Bushman
Budding Astronaut
Budding Ventriloquist

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