Thursday, February 17, 2011

Woody? Should he?

For the month of February, Budding Ventriloquist will explore the Academy Award nominees for Best Picture. The issue is not which one is "best." The issue is: Which movie would be even better if ventriloquism was part of the story?

***Third in a series***


Opening Scene
Cowboy Woody (voice by Tom Hanks) walks into a below street level tavern, where pig Hamm (John Ratzenberger) is sitting sipping a brew. "Woody!" everybody shouts in a manner that conveys tradition. The bartender (voiced by Woody Harrelson) becomes confused because not only is his name Woody, but his voice is named Woody, too.   Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles) enters from down the stairway, and calls Woody a "hockey puck." Woody and Woody (Woody) don't know whether to be offended or laugh off as a commentary on the sports bar decor. A marvelous piano jingle plays and opening credits role.

The plot thickens
Andy, the toys' owner, is old enough that he pretends that his toys sit in taverns now.  He's going off to Texas A & V (Agriculture and Ventriloquism) University. It is time to put his toys away.  The toys get put in a box and instead of being put in the attic, the box is donated to a day care center. Chaos ensues, and Woody calls on his friend Buzz Lightyear (voiced by Tim Allen), and confuses the dirty rotten stinking lousy cheating little kids by pretending that Buzz is a ventriloquist dummy.  Buzz - as a dummy- talks to the kids about how to do home repair, the kids get really bored, get out their nap mats, and fall asleep.

Until it flows like molasses
All the main characters wind up on out of control skateboards for a chase scene. Rex (voiced by Wallace Shawn) talks a lot because he has a cool voice for cartoon characters.  Purple teddy bear Lotso (voiced by Ned Beatty) keeps getting nervous when he hears banjo music. Finally, Woody brings all the characters together, convinces them that Andy's new ventriloquist dummy will be a good addition to the gang, that Buzz was just pretending to be a dummy and has not gone to the "dark side." They all make nice, Randy Newman sings a gravelly ballot, and if you leave your email with the usher, you can get a digital movie merchandise catalog.

This movie was hard to spoof, what with it being animated and about toys, too.
Those of you who saw the "oops" two days ago where only part of this post got posted, sorry about that.  It was in post-production.
Of all the things I get to talk about in this blog, have I ever mentioned my passion for hot dogs? Such passion that I bring it up randomly?

There's never been a great novel about a man who loves hot dogs. Yet.  Just like there hasn't been a great ventriloquist novel.  Yet.

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