Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Pretty dummy, walking down the street?

Budding Ventriloquist coverage of the 2011 Oscars continues with...
Best Actress Nominee with a Face that Belongs on a Ventriloquist Dummy
or, more simply:
Best  Actress With a  V Face

Let's make the following assumption:
People won't take a ventriloquist dummy seriously if it's too pretty.
Thus fore and ergo and whatnot:  
  • Natalie Portman from Black Swan: Pretty.  Can't quite get past the whole Star Wars thing.
  • Jennifer Lawrence from Winter's Bone: Pretty.  Can't quite get past the fact I have no idea what she's been in before.
  • Nicole Kidman from Rabbit Hole: Pretty. Can't get over that the movie Australia didn't do a Gone with the Wind in the Oscars.

Which leaves...

  • Michelle Williams from Blue Valentine.
  • Annette Bening from The Kids are All Right.
They are pretty, too, of course, with something else besides.  But now, a simple exercise:

Draw lines from the edges of the mouths of these two actresses...  And you make the call.

Tough, huh?
Just to be clear, I have not thing against prettyPretty is pretty good in my book, too.  Just not for a ventriloquist dummy.

So please remember, this award is not about who is talented, who gave the best performance, or anything like that.  This is about who has a face that would make a great ventriloquist dummy.  That's a very special distinction, indeed.

And, it is fully intended as a high compliment...because it is.
I wanted to work a discussion on the having an "interesting" look, but ran out of time. That can be quite beautiful, as in "turquoise is an interesting color."  I'll have to flesh this idea out soon.
The winner will be will be announced on Oscar night on the Budding Ventriloquist simulcast as a simulpost* that will spread across the webwaves* with speed that wows.
* Simulpost and webwaves are words I proudly made up, and my contribution to the web lexicon of made-up words. 

The US Patent office has informed me words can not be copyrighted.  At least not mine, but I'm not taking it personally.  Yet.

Maybe it hasn't sunk in.

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