For the next month, Budding Ventriloquist will explore the Academy Award nominees for Best Picture. The issue is not which one is "best." The issue is: Which movie would be even better if ventriloquism was part of the story?
***First in a series***
The King's Speech
Prince Albert walks to the podium at Wembley Stadium and, because of a terrible stammering problem, makes the entire crowd rife with pain. Because the crowd was all Brits, no one could tell, really, except for Prince Albert, of course. He feels terrible for torturing the crowd. Apparently, Brits just know when they do that to each other.
The plot thickens
The eventual Queen Mum, Albert's wife, goes to Lionel Logue - speech therapist, actor wannabe, Aussie. He hands Prince Albert a ventriloquist dummy, and suggests that the prince would be able to rid himself of stammering (and forgive his mother) if he learned now to perform ventriloquism. The Prince at first rejects Logue's unconventional method.
Until it runs like molasses
The Prince goes to a party hosted by his brother, King Edward, and his gay lover - or so he assumed. After finding out that Wallis Simpson was a woman (not Wallace...), the Prince returns to Logue, and learns to use his dummy to mock the Archbishop of Canterbury, and after becoming King George VI, uses ventriloquism to repel the Huns and claim victory in World War II. Logue coaches King George in cussing and gets the King to believe that the audience for his radio addresses to the nation - the people of Britain - never see his lips move.
***The trick of this series is going to be whether I can get to go to all of the movies nominated to have a good basis for making up this foolishness. There's 10 in all. I've already seen three or four.
Will you, my flamboyance* of regular readers, be able to tell which ones I've seen and which ones I'm just faking? (Yes, I realize that, in an of itself, is a ridiculous question, coming from a budding ventriloquist.)
Do you think I actually saw The King's Speech?
Hmmm, you say?
**** A Flamboyance is a group of flamingos.
***Do you think Geoffrey Rush might just be a nominee as a face that belongs on a ventriloquist dummy?
Ohhh, do I have an idea about a different way to consider the nominated actors. You see what's coming, don't you?
Why didn't I think of this before!