Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The gritty animal fighter's speech

Budding Ventriloquist coverage of the 2011 Oscars continues with...
Best Supporting Actress Nominee with a Face that Belongs on a Ventriloquist Dummy
or, more simply:
Best  Actress With a  Supporting V Face

This time, it is really tough.

First, there's two long shots: 
  • Amy Adams from The Fighter:  See yesterday's discussion on pretty.
  • Hailee Steinfeld from True Grit:  Tempted to give this award to her simply because she should be in the Best Actress, not Supporting Actress, category.  But, that would be a political statement, not a true selection based on whether or not she has a face for a ventriloquist dummy. It would lack the journalistic integrity that is so very integral to this process and this blog. 

Then, there's two real contenders:
  • Jacki Weaver from Animal Kingdom:  She bares a striking resemblance to a very specially shaped* girl at my high school who pretended to be my date so I could convince a bunch of Milwaukee County lifeguards that I had something going. (You are dying to hear this whole story is, aren't you? I promise, one day I will tell all. Like most stories of my youth, it's both charmingly cute and pathetic.)
  • Melissa Leo from The Fighter: If the ventriloquist world needs a dummy that looks like a lady, she's a shoo-in.


And then, there's the one and only...
  • Helena Bonham Carter from The King's Speech: She is so dang cool she gets three pictures. In college I had a date or two with a girl that turned out to be a Wicken. If she'd looked like Bellatrix LeStrange, I would have gladly gathered gnat's nuts or whatever she needed for her potions for sure.
     (FYI, she didn't.)

    But is it a face for a ventriloquist dummy?

The winner will be will be announced on Oscar night on the Budding Ventriloquist simulcast as a simulpost** that will spread across the webwaves with speed that wows.

*** 
Are you all playing along? Marking up homemade ballots with your selections? Debating over your hot dogs and mac and cheese this question for the ages?  Wondering when the home edition of this game will be out? Placing bets?
***
*Specially shaped is what we in the writing ilk call a euphemism. You can look that up.

** How "Simul" do you think I need to be with this?  Just sometime that night? When the award is being given?  No ventriloquist blog has ever attempted this, so I need some feedback here.

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