Monday, May 31, 2010

Stop Croweing now

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that if I told you what I thought of Russell Crowe as Robin Hood, he would come and beat me up. I've heard the guy is like that, all temperamental and testosterone-y.

The truth is, I actually really liked the movie. It's not a real Robin Hood movie; there was barely any merry-menery, not a whole lot of robbing the rich and giving to the poor, and Robin and Maid Marian don't flirt much, even when there was a bathtub right there. Still, all and all, it was a pretty good ride. It was kind of like a PBS history docudrama, except you'll fail medieval history class if you base your answers on these facts.

But Russell Crowe... Is he always this serious, tough, and dull? Robin Hood as a dull brute. Can't wait until he plays Gandhi.

Now in 1991, Kevin Costner was more interesting as Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Did I really say that? Kevin Costner is dull as a box of rocks, and monotone, too. And how do you play Robin Hood without an English accent? Or is it that when you're monotone, there is no accent? I guess it says everything you need to know about my opinion of Russell Crowe when I say Kevin Costner was more interesting.

I have perfected a Kevin Costner imitation of him saying, " Forsooth, Nodding-Ham, I am Robin of Loxley." Combining that with Kevin Costner singing "I Will Always Love You" from The Bodyguard...

 ... and learning to do it without moving my lips, and through a ventriloquist dummy.  That would be so garsh darn brilliantly funny. I can just smell Vegas.

Oh, oh.  Now Russell Crowe will know where to find me...

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