Thursday, May 6, 2010

Is something alien ya?

*** Seventh in a series ***

Max LeMonk, the monkey puppet, and I wandered though the New Mexico hills, admiring our shadows being cast on the ground by the brilliant moonlight. I try to scare Max by making a finger shadow of a hyena, a natural predator of a monkey. I even threw my voice to make a hyena's laugh come from behind a rock.

Max was unimpressed.

As we hiked over a berm, we were stunned to find a dimly lit table, and four grey figures playing a hand of bridge.  There was no apparent source of power to the light, and all the light appeared to be flooding into large black lenses that covered the figures' eyes.

"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more," I said to Max.

Max looked chagrinned. "If you're going to make flying monkey jokes, I'm going to kick your..."

Before Max could finish, we were blinded by spotlights, and roughed to the round. All I could see before I passed out on the ground was the sight of many pairs of army boots and the legs of desert camoflage dungarees.

When I woke, I was sitting in a chair in a completely grey room with no windows. Max was in the chair next to me. And I saw the the back of a man in a camo military cap sitting across the table. I sat with growing nervousness. Max began to fidget. The man spoke:
You two are some of the few who have been allowed see what is hidden here at Roswell.
"Aw, geesh. No, no, no," Max wailed. He recognized the voice. It was the nagual, don Rey Ortega.

I was happy to see him as he pivoted in the chair to face us. The label on his shirt said Area 51. He looked a bit comical in the military garb, as if he had stolen them off a clothes line from someone much bigger.
Many believe that alien craft and the remains of little green men are being kept here.
I asked him it was true. He made a balancing gesture with his hands.
They are actually grey, not green. But extraterrestrial life is only a small part of Roswell's secrets.
"Let me guess... they have really good burgers, too?" Max asked sardonically. don Rey simply smiled at Max, and inexplicably threw dirt on Max's shoes.  I was having trouble believing my ears. "Don Rey, what more amazing reality could there be than little green, er, grey men from outerspace?" I asked, noticing that the soldiers who had surrounded us had now disappeared.
Ventriloquists are actually The Men In Black. They make voices and sounds appear to be coming from somewhere else.
Max and I looked at each other. I could feel my face beam in revelation. "I guess as I think about it, Will Smith's mouth did seem...mechanical." Max nodded, "And Tommy Lee Jones' lips really barely move."  If Max was buying into don Rey's revelations, they must be pretty compelling. Max is one gosh darn smart monkey puppet.
Some are not even ventriloquists at all. It's the cleverly disguised aliens sitting on their knees that do all of the talking. This way, they can travel the world, hidden in plain view, appear on television shows, kids parties, cruise ships and retirement homes.
Max turned to me and asked, "What about that beautiful woman we saw in the black dress in that church? Think she a...Woman in Black?" Though I was surprised Max was thinking about this seemingly random event, I nodded. It was all making sense.

"But why, don Rey, are they bothering with us? And why choose be ventriloquists?" I asked.  Don Rey appeared to anticipate my asking.
These little creatures have made a deal with the governments of the world trading their technology for laughter. Laughter is what feeds them. Where do you think "laughter is the best medicine" came from?
Then I looked up to realize the room we were in didn't have a ceiling. We were being lit by the bottoms of saucer shaped craft. I heard a whispering woosh, and when I looked down, don Rey was gone.

Burned into the back of the wooden chair he had just been sitting in, there were the freshly burned-in wors of the old Ventriloquist's joke:
Who's the dummy?
Then, in a flash and a blink, the sauces left. The sky was filled with stars. Some of them were in the shape of a monkey. Max smiled.
***
When don Rey Ortega isn't chasing aliens, he's showing off his talents on stage as a ventriloquist and being just ablout every other kind of entertainer, too. Well, maybe not TV Quizmaster. Yet. Check out reyortegaentertainment.com.  Black suits not required.

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