Friday, April 30, 2010

Toad the Wet Dummy?

Hi, I'm Dan. I'm a parent of teenagers.



Yes, that pause was to let all of you say, "I'm so sorry to hear that. Would you like a Pez?"

No thanks. But thanks for offering.

I keep trying to figure out, like so many parents do,  how I can bond more with my teenagers. To be honest, I thought the ventriloquist thing would bring the whole family closer together. Wouldn't you?

But my daughter's friends think my ventriloquist dummy is creepy. Apparently, this is not as uncommon as we in the vent biz would like to think.

And I think my son is simply humoring me. I was telling one of his friends about Budding Ventriloquist (which my kids kind of wish I'd keep secret... go figure), and my son said, rather flatly, "Yea, it's real groundbreaking stuff." I smiled. The look on his face appeared that he couldn't quite believe that I was smiling.

Having said that, I have a great new idea for bonding. To play off my son's fascination with heavy metal music, I'm working on a ventriloquist act that's me and my dummy and my monkey puppet as a metal band. He's going to love this.

I want to call it MegaSpleen. That's got some gusto.

There isn't already a band called that, is there?

Maybe I'll take that Pez now.
***
My daughter, my Broadway-bound child,  is equally unimpressed with my concept of the all ventriloquist performance of A Chorus Line. She didn't, however, vehemently object the way I expected to my putting the entire cast of Glee on the "Faces that belong on on a ventriloquist dummy" list. (December 12, 2009)

Then again, I think when I told her, she said, "Shush, Dad, I'm trying to watch Glee."
***
Last night, my wife became a trained weather spotter.  That's no job for dummies, either.
***
Perhaps it's best that I just stick to music I really love, like the classic romantic standards. Maybe Max and I could do a Cole Porter Night and Day duet, or the rougishly handsome dummy, Steed Hideaway, could do a little Frank Sinatra, like The Very Thought of You.

No. Those are songs I want to sing for you straight and clear and with feeling. Too beautiful for silliness.

Max and Steed can do old Everly Brothers. I just know I can figure out how to vent in tenor harmonies. I am, after all, *sigh*... a tenor.

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