Like learning ventriloquism.
I've been writing Budding Ventriloquist now for over 8 months, and have I made any great strides? Can a guy who is the only ventrilo-journalist* to cover the Winter Olympics possibly practice slurring over the B sound?
Can a man who peeks around corners looking for the Slovenian secret police (those rascals know how to keep a low profile) because he challenged Slovenian Olympians to excel with a bet that he lost, and now owes a country a ventriloquism show... I have to stop. (Look back to Quagmire, Smagmire if this doesn't ring a bell)
My blood pressure is up just thinking about it. Can a spirit that's on a Budding Ventriloquist Mystic Adventure (TM) actually learn to talk without lips?
Don't say it. I know.
Yes, I need to now re-re-re-re-re-re-commit. Three of the "re"s are for months I didn't already re-commit(when I was busy with Olympic stuff, remember?) .
Are we up-to-date? Must I grovel more?
Don't answer that.
After careful analysis of thousands and thousands of pieces of "intel," careful vigilance, and a supremely coordinated international effort to confirm every possible suggestion of malfeasance, we are lowering the Slovenian Relations Monitor Status to Yellow. And just like if Homeland Security was running it, please remember that the lowering of the status to yellow still requires you to spy on:
- Your neighbors,
- Your co-workers, and
- Your relatives.
No, this is not some sneaky ploy to draw the Slovenian Secret Police out in the open; those rascally rascals who have been evading my most cautious awareness, and quick glances, and "quick, down the alley" meneuvers on the way home. That would be a bit more cunning than a man who can't really do ventriloquism (yet) could concieve.
You must believe that.
* Ventrilo-journalism is what this blog is. That makes me sort the Hunter S. Thompson of the ventriloquist world. You see that, don't you? No one else is, right?
I like it. I'm on the jagged new edge of gonzo ventriloquism.