Tuesday, March 9, 2010

And a real Slovenian translator, please...

Dear NASA and President Obama:

Just a couple of things today. I know you're busy with your current missions and health care reform.

First: I sense you might be a little anxious about the Ventriloquist In Space Program (VISP) these days, and I admit I deserve the blame. As you fight for funds at congressional hearings, you sure don't need dweebs like Senator Orrin Hatch asking you, "So, is this the same budding ventriloquist who dragged this country into the Slovenian quagmire?"

Believe me, it's got my undies in a bundle, too. Right now, the nickels and dimes that I had been squirreling away for my pedometer (astronauts must be ever fit!) are now going into the "superfund" for my inevitable ventriloquist tour of Slovenia.  Just when you folks and I were making some headway, too.

I do have a solution that might turn this lemon into lemonade, and it comes down to two words: Slovenian in space.

You make the offer to the good people of Slovenia to put one of their own on a mission. Start teaching him (or her) all the astronaut stuff. I work on my ventriloquism (and my Slovenian). By the time we a blasting off together in a few years, everybody's smiling and clinking bottles. Problem solved.

Second: How do you like the VISP logo?  Pretty sweet, huh?

Now that we have a logo - I need to ask if you could sport me, oh, $100,000 or so for stationery.  Trust me, with the PR campaigns (English and Slovenian) that I have planned, I don't want to underestimate the supplies.

Do you have any idea how much stationery gets wasted in printer/copier paper jams alone? Let's just say Senator Hatch have a hearing on that issue and let you poor guys alone. There's a balanced budget, if not a whole new global ecomony, to be gained by cutting out that waste.

Hope you and your families are well, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours in space,

Dan Bushman
Budding Astronaut
Budding Ventriloquist
The status of Slovenian relations is available 24/7 by checking the color code in the sidebar.  The status as of this posting continues to be Orange. Yep, it's a quagmire, all right.

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