Wednesday, December 2, 2009

HAL, HAL, the gang's all here

Dear NASA and President Obama:

Thank you for such a polite and educational rejection letter.  Reading between the lines, I sense the actual excitement you share about my Ventriloquist in Space Program (VISP). It is great that you subtly slipped me all the information I need to craft a real winner of a proposal next time.

The phrases "no recognizable scientific value" and "no demonstrable research methodology" spoke to me in spades. I get it! To get the sciencey mucky-mucks you have to stomach every day to buy in to VISP, you need some proper sounding claptrap, right?

Luckily, I remember my research methods and enough of my "Physics in Everyday Life" class give you what you need. Just raise your hand if you want me to go slower:
Background Facts: All matter can be converted into energy. All action is energy. Balls are matter. Ventriloquism is an action. Everything has something to do with energy.
Principle:  If you throw a ball in zero gravity it will continue on its path until it meets resistance, therefore...
Hypothesis:  If you throw your voice in zero gravity, it will continue until it meets resistance.
You see my experiment right there, don't you? If you put a ventriloquist in space who has irresistibly great material, you will achieve non-stop entertainment. (Ha! You didn't see that coming, did ya? See how awesome my material is? How much my fellow astronauts need me up there with them?)

I know, it sounds convoluted, but so do most experiments.

As always, I welcome your feedback, and thank you for your kind attention.

Sincerely,


Dan Bushman
Budding Astronaut
Budding Ventriloquist
American

2 comments:

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