Dear Regular Readers (both of you):
I thought I was so clever to start posting my creation, The Twelve Days of Ventriloquist Christmas, yesterday. It was twelve days until Christmas, afterall. I could hear three trumpets heralding this artistic triumph.
Unfortunately, I must admit I got a little ahead of myself. As I post the "second day" below, I am flummoxed by the enormity of coming up with twelve things. I see ventriloquist connections everywhere these days, but sure wish some of those maids a-milking had mechanical jaws right now.
You see, the real The Twelve Days of Christmas is 427 years, 8 months old. The list of presents has been keened and honed and time-tested and revised and politically-corrected more often than AOL sent me start-up disks.
I currently have less than six days covered. Actually, less than five.
More precisely, I have four days figured out. Four doesn't even get me to the darn golden rings. It's not even the first four, either. A crisis is just around the corner, dear regular readers (both of you).
So...get out your thinking caps. Email me your ideas. And if you know any leaping lords or piping pipers, tell them to think up some stuff, too. Anything that comes to mind, tell me. Absolutely anything.
I need brainstorming. And this is stressing me so much, I can barely get up a light breeze.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Two Moving Eyebrows
And a full-sized ventriloquist dummy.